"My boyfriend works at..."
"My boyfriend is a..."
"My boyfriend drives a..."
"My boyfriend lives in..."
"My boyfriend owns..."
These are phrases we must eliminate from our vocabulary, ladies. We must arrive at a point where our boyfriends do not define who we are. A woman of substance does not allow herself to be defined by who her man is, she creates an identity for herself. And creating that identity does not mean competing with her man, it means architecting a path uniquely for herself. Your man may be rich and powerful, a respected businessman. You need not be a rich businesswoman, you can still choose a path that is aligned to your passion, even if it's not something that will make of you a millionaire, yet still be able to make a mark in the space that you occupy.
We must protect our relationships, but not at the expense of ourselves. We must refuse to let men dictate terms to us, terms which seek to divert us from our own passions, from designing our own legacies. A man who insists that you stop doing what you love is not worthy of you. A man who gets angry when you build your own legacy does not deserve you. If you are passionate about civil society and a man tells you to quit being an activist for his sake, he's not worthy of you. Men who want to dim our lights are unworthy of our love. And ourselves too must never make compromises for men, where our own growth and identity is concerned. No relationship is worth sacrificing your identity for. But for men to take us seriously, we must take ourselves seriously.
It begins with not being trophies of men. It begins with refusing to be reduced to subordinate roles where we have no identity outside that of our men. We must do what defines us. If you are a writer, then write. If you are a poet then perform. Whatever you are, let the world know you for that. Let your partner not complete you, but rather, complement you. Let the world know you as who you are, not who you are sleeping with. When someone asks who you are, let the response be about YOU. The worst thing that can happen to a woman is that when someone asks who she is, the response is: "You don't know her? She is the girlfriend of the director of x, y, z..." We must make our mark as women, not be defined by who our men are, where they work, what they have achieved and what they have. Women of substance don't assume men's identities, they create their own.
My Opinion
The bitter truth most women are so materialistic that you can actually extract materialism from their DNA nothing will remain. They want to look like Beyoncé but they don’t have any desire whatsoever to work like Beyoncé. So they look a veritable Man of Steel or in this case Man of Materialism to latch unto. Guys on the other hand sadly exploit women for this. They know once they make money women will naturally flock around them like ants to sugar. So most guys simply forget about women and focus on money like rappers MOB (Money Over B*tches).
A woman must come to a relationship with something valuable to offer and not just to be redecorated by the man. However she should also know who the head in the relationship is. Once a woman starts acting or behaving like she is the one with two balls, the relationship is instantly doomed.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with a woman's identity being connected to his man's success and vice versa. Success should be collectively celebrated together.
Most women don't get it that success is not sexually transmitted. But with time and some painful experience they do.
Still there are some really decent women out there. Shout out to all of them
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