Man Of Steel Saves The Day Scopium Style

Wednesday June 05 2013

The sleep got sweeter in the wee hours of the morning. Why does it always happen like that? It was a bit of a struggle to get up. How I wish today was a Saturday. I woke up late, my master sleep slaved me so much. I didn't do Open Heavens. I sent my boss a text when I got to the office that I want to get to the school. He asked me to wait behind so I can take a package to Ben. As soon as he arrived I took the package and set out on a journey. I sieved through the traffic to Oniru bus stop then walked over to Mega Plaza. Today a lot is riding on me. I'm gonna be like man of steel and save the day.

I went to the Watch Doctor's shop at Mega Plaza to fix my Kenneth Cole watch. I thought it was a battery problem which will cost me N1000. But when it was opened, they told me something disturbingly different. According to them, rust has affected the engine. I blame the rain for the rust. It will now cost N8000 to fix which comes with seven month guarantee. Nope I can’t pay that. I can get a good brand new watch for that amount. I made my way to the next office on my list. I was a few blocks away from the post office Victory when called. I had wanted to call him earlier. He said the package has arrived, that makes things easy cuz I'm on my way to the post office. I got to the post office, the package just arrived. They haven't even logged it in yet. I grabbed the package and left. Mission accomplished one less thing to worry about.

Next stop is Caxton-Martins office on the 9th floor of St. Nicholas Hospital Building at Marina. I picked up a green tie and two black stockings from one of the boutiques on my way to Caxton-Martins. Mr. Ben was in a meeting so I dropped the package with Jumoke the receptionist for as long as I can remember. The first day I went to Caxton-Martins some years ago, I was singing Quando Quando Quando by Michael Bublé feat. Nelly Furtado. I love the song. She was at reception then. She lighted up with such inexplicable excitement. She gleefully announced to me she has been singing the same song all day! To drive her point home conclusively, she called out a colleague on the intercom. The young handsome man came and she asked him

Jumoke: What song have been playing and singing today

The guy: Quando quando quando

The guy blurted out the much anticipated answer. The atmosphere was electrifying. We felt connected. Ever since then we've been friends. I became her man of steel and she my Lois Lane. She gives me special attention whenever I come around. Sometimes I purposely make unusual demands to see what she'll do and she never disappoints. I wasn't so chatty today and I didn't realize it but she noticed it. She inquired what the matter was and I answered that I'm tired and thirsty. She did her magic and a glass of water chilled to my taste was in front of me. It was highly refreshing, I thanked her. She's a darling. I left Caxton-Martins for the Nigeria Police Station Alagbon Ikoyi. I had to go through Obalende.

At Obalende I saw some policemen on duty on the road. My instinct or my spirit ministered to me to ask a particular policeman for direction. I don't know where this Alagbon police station is. Man of steel do need help sometime especially kryptonite is involved. This is the first time in my entire life of going to the police station on my own and the second time I've ever been to a police station. The first time I escorted a friend to see a high ranking officer regarding a vandalization case at his place of work. Funny enough it’s the same Ikoyi but different police station. As God will have it the policeman I met Inspector Nwambu Remigius happened to come from Imo, Mbaise to be precise. I told him I wanted to do a police report. He gave me direction and also gave me a name of whom I should meet. He warned me that other policemen will be all over me hustling to attend to me once I get there that's why he gave the name.

Immediately I pictured touts that infest the Immigration office, hustlers at the markets like Yaba, money changers at Eko or Federal Palace Hotels. They all have one nasty thing in common, they hustle for customers even to point of fight sometimes. Then I tried to picture the policemen behaving in the same manner at the station, it was a disgrace. In my mind I was like Inspt you are employing hyperbole right? As I was leaving he added;

I stay here so when you are leaving if there's anything, you can see me here.

I almost forgot you are a Nigerian policeman. Nevertheless I'm very grateful for his assistance.I got to the Alagbon Police Station and warning played out more than I anticipated. It was a dynamic disgrace! They rushed like I was warned. I was so ashamed of my country's police force. There is the main Force Criminal Investigation Department (FCID) and the annex building. The officers in these two building from what I saw literally hustle for ''customers'' Each building had one or two men stationed outside the entrance like a lookout. They were all calling me to come and ''shop'' at their different ''shops'' just the way hustlers at Yaba market does it. They almost tore my limbs apart as they dragged me. If I were an actual man of steel, I would've thought them a tiny lesson about dragging someone who don't know.

IT WAS SO SHAMEFUL! I WAS SO ASHAMED OF THE POLICE FORCE!!!

Are they paid on commission of sales, I mean cases they record daily? Is the bribe here that lucrative? Unfortunately I didn't get their names. For sake of clarity let me label them Dragger Main and Dragger Annex for the main and annex building respectively. I have a piece of reference from Inspector Nwambu so all this gragra won't get them anything. I went to the annex. I spoke to the man behind the counter. I've forgotten his name. His approach appeared like a real police work. But don’t be fooled it’s all a marketing strategy act. I handed him the note from Inspector Nwambu and you can visibly tell he was highly disappointed. As he was coming to terms with the loss of a potential customer, another officer clad in mufti entered, I'm guessing his rank is above that of the man attending to me. He came in accompanied by Dragger Main.

He came to inquire why ''customer'' i.e. me going to their ''shop'' was cornered! Can you believe that?!! Then Dragger Main made a remark that Dragger Annex should be warned not to behave like that again. This shameless show of shame all played out before my eyes! It all happened too quickly. I stood there, mind, body and soul paralyzed with disappointment. It turned out Inspector Jeremiah's office is the main building. I was directed to his office. I explained myself that I need a police report. He said it will cost me N10000. I knew he just set the scene for price haggling. I asked Inspector Nwambu to give me an idea of the fee but he declined cunningly telling me he has no idea I believe he was lying. He may be telling the truth too.

I said I have N5000 he accepted. The way he accepted convinced me beyond doubt that the fee has to be a lot less than N5000. Long story short, I got the police report and left. I didn't go back to Inspector Nwambu like the three wise men didn't go back to King Herod. The ticket I booked for Ugo's mum had a little issue and she missed her flight. Aero couldn't synchronize seamlessly with their numerous bank payment outlets. Ugo sent me a text asking where I made payment. I replied with the wrong bank. Enterprise and Keystone bank always confuse me. It was a lot easier when they were Spring Bank and Bank PHB! He called me, yelled a bit that I should sort the problem. He then sent me an Aero staff number. I called and sorted it out.

Victory called. I told him my progress and he was audibly thrilled. I saved the day on that on getting the police report. He suggested I mail the police report to him immediately which makes sense. On my way back to Lekki I checked DHL and Fedex. The charge was N11,000 and N7,680 for DHL and Fedex respectively. Victory preferred DHL cuz it'll be faster. I sent the package on its way to overseas. I branched at Shoprite to grab dinner. I went home straight as the crow flies. Amara was at home chatting away with Fifi. I greeted them. She cooked okra soup, this time around she didn't leave any for me. That's better cuz the last time she did I only ate the meat. I don't really her brand of okra soup. They left shortly. I ate my dinner and went to bed.