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Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Marriage Truths, Marriage Isn’t For You, Marital Life, Happily Married, Marriage
Marriage Truths: Marriage Isn’t For You (Seth and Kim)
This masterpiece, "Marriage Isn’t For You" worth reading by anyone with intention sharing their lives in a dedicated relationship with another person. It gives you a deeper understanding of of your responsibility in a relationship IF you truly love the other person. Simply put marriage is not for you if you have no love. A quality happy marriage requires selflessness.

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.
Marriage Truths, Marriage Isn’t For You, Marital Life, Happily Married, Marriage
Marriage is about family
I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

This post originally appeared on ForwardWalking.com, a website dedicated to helping people move forward in life.
Post Credits
Post Author: Seth Adam Smith

Like on Facebook: Seth Adam Smith

Now It’s Your Turn. Please Don't FORGET To SHARE This POST, Your Friends Might Need It! Feel Free To Leave Your COMMENTS. Your FEEDBACK And COMMENTS Are Always Appreciated. :-)

Marriage Truths: Marriage Isn’t For You (SethAdamSmith)

Nwabu King  |  at   2:23 pm  |  No comments

Marriage Truths, Marriage Isn’t For You, Marital Life, Happily Married, Marriage
Marriage Truths: Marriage Isn’t For You (Seth and Kim)
This masterpiece, "Marriage Isn’t For You" worth reading by anyone with intention sharing their lives in a dedicated relationship with another person. It gives you a deeper understanding of of your responsibility in a relationship IF you truly love the other person. Simply put marriage is not for you if you have no love. A quality happy marriage requires selflessness.

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.
Marriage Truths, Marriage Isn’t For You, Marital Life, Happily Married, Marriage
Marriage is about family
I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

This post originally appeared on ForwardWalking.com, a website dedicated to helping people move forward in life.
Post Credits
Post Author: Seth Adam Smith

Like on Facebook: Seth Adam Smith

Now It’s Your Turn. Please Don't FORGET To SHARE This POST, Your Friends Might Need It! Feel Free To Leave Your COMMENTS. Your FEEDBACK And COMMENTS Are Always Appreciated. :-)
Continue Reading→

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Quality Marriage Results In Quality Health - Research Revealed
Quality Marriage Results In Quality Health - Research Revealed
A Brigham Young University family life researcher Rick Miller found that as the quality of marriage holds up over the years, physical health holds up too. This research result was the outcome of a 20-year longitudinal study tracking health and marriage quality.

He said that there is proof from previous research that marital conflict leads to poor quality health and his study showed that happy marriages have a preventative component that keeps people in good health over the years.

The study shows positive quality marriage relationships sustain quality health over the long run.

Health Benefits Of Happy Marriage Revealed

The study used data from a nationally representative sample of 1,681 married individuals followed over the course of two decades - the longest study on marital quality and health to date.

Miller and colleagues measured marital quality in two ways: First, in terms of happiness and satisfaction, and, second, in terms of marital problems (Do you argue about money? Do you fight about in-laws?). Respondents then rated their health on a 1 (excellent) to 4 (poor) scale.

The results showed those with higher marital conflict were more likely to report poor health.

Of course they are busy warring each other to notice health issues. Even when they notice these health issues in their partner most reaction is "Serves you right for treating me badly". Because of the conflict, the quality of care they give each other is drastically lowered.

Relationship Guide: 12 Reasons Why Couples Drift Apart You Should Avoid

Miller said that the implication is that marital conflict is a risk factor for poor health and couples that fight or argue frequently should get professional help to reduce their conflict, as it affects their health quality.

Miller added that when spouses have a bad day, in a happy marriage, they are more likely to support each other and empathize with each other and that support reduces stress and helps buffer against a decline in health. A shoulder to cry on is a very powerful medication on its own.

The study has been published in the Journal of Marriage and Family. (ANI)

Now you know that when your marriage suffers, your health suffers too, I'm sure rationally couples should strive for a better marriage hence better health.


Please Don't FORGET To SHARE This POST!!

Quality Marriage Results In Quality Health - Research Revealed

Nwabu King  |  at   9:58 am  |  No comments

Quality Marriage Results In Quality Health - Research Revealed
Quality Marriage Results In Quality Health - Research Revealed
A Brigham Young University family life researcher Rick Miller found that as the quality of marriage holds up over the years, physical health holds up too. This research result was the outcome of a 20-year longitudinal study tracking health and marriage quality.

He said that there is proof from previous research that marital conflict leads to poor quality health and his study showed that happy marriages have a preventative component that keeps people in good health over the years.

The study shows positive quality marriage relationships sustain quality health over the long run.

Health Benefits Of Happy Marriage Revealed

The study used data from a nationally representative sample of 1,681 married individuals followed over the course of two decades - the longest study on marital quality and health to date.

Miller and colleagues measured marital quality in two ways: First, in terms of happiness and satisfaction, and, second, in terms of marital problems (Do you argue about money? Do you fight about in-laws?). Respondents then rated their health on a 1 (excellent) to 4 (poor) scale.

The results showed those with higher marital conflict were more likely to report poor health.

Of course they are busy warring each other to notice health issues. Even when they notice these health issues in their partner most reaction is "Serves you right for treating me badly". Because of the conflict, the quality of care they give each other is drastically lowered.

Relationship Guide: 12 Reasons Why Couples Drift Apart You Should Avoid

Miller said that the implication is that marital conflict is a risk factor for poor health and couples that fight or argue frequently should get professional help to reduce their conflict, as it affects their health quality.

Miller added that when spouses have a bad day, in a happy marriage, they are more likely to support each other and empathize with each other and that support reduces stress and helps buffer against a decline in health. A shoulder to cry on is a very powerful medication on its own.

The study has been published in the Journal of Marriage and Family. (ANI)

Now you know that when your marriage suffers, your health suffers too, I'm sure rationally couples should strive for a better marriage hence better health.


Please Don't FORGET To SHARE This POST!!
Continue Reading→

Tuesday, 16 July 2013

Irreconcilable Difference: Funke Akindele's Marriage Suffers A Seperation
The usual suspect in separation and divorce is always irreconcilable difference. Barely after celebrating one year anniversary of their wedding comes this shocker and it's not a rumour or media publicity stunt. The popular Nollywood actress, Funke Akindele got married to Kehinde Oloyede, amidst a lot of media furore just last year. Reports are that the marriage may be on it's last legs. This Nigeria entertainment news is based on a Facebook post made by Kehinde Oloyede which it seems he has deleted. He wrote:
"It’s with heavy heart that am announcing the separation of me nd ma wife Mrs olufunke akindele,we’ve both agreed to go our separate ways coz of irreconcilable differences. we still best of friends nd we 4ever remain gud friends.
..."Am doing just fine, gettn along without u,don't need u anymore in ma life.u d greatest mistake av made in recent time.
Kehinde Oloyede and Funke Akindele kiss
Funke's publicist confirmed that the two have indeed gone their separate ways (for now). They've actually been having issues for a while and Funke had actually been planning to divorce him quietly, but Mr Oloyede decided to make it public. Funke also recently changed her BB name from Mrs Funke Akindele Oloyede to Everybody loves Jenifa. Funke and Kehinde

Is Nollywood marriage is fast becoming like Hollywood marriage? Marriage was union meant to be for better for worse till death do you part. I prays goes back to status quo lest they take to the next level which is divorce.

Irreconcilable Difference: Funke Akindele's Marriage Suffers A Seperation

Nwabu King  |  at   6:35 am  |  No comments

Irreconcilable Difference: Funke Akindele's Marriage Suffers A Seperation
The usual suspect in separation and divorce is always irreconcilable difference. Barely after celebrating one year anniversary of their wedding comes this shocker and it's not a rumour or media publicity stunt. The popular Nollywood actress, Funke Akindele got married to Kehinde Oloyede, amidst a lot of media furore just last year. Reports are that the marriage may be on it's last legs. This Nigeria entertainment news is based on a Facebook post made by Kehinde Oloyede which it seems he has deleted. He wrote:
"It’s with heavy heart that am announcing the separation of me nd ma wife Mrs olufunke akindele,we’ve both agreed to go our separate ways coz of irreconcilable differences. we still best of friends nd we 4ever remain gud friends.
..."Am doing just fine, gettn along without u,don't need u anymore in ma life.u d greatest mistake av made in recent time.
Kehinde Oloyede and Funke Akindele kiss
Funke's publicist confirmed that the two have indeed gone their separate ways (for now). They've actually been having issues for a while and Funke had actually been planning to divorce him quietly, but Mr Oloyede decided to make it public. Funke also recently changed her BB name from Mrs Funke Akindele Oloyede to Everybody loves Jenifa. Funke and Kehinde

Is Nollywood marriage is fast becoming like Hollywood marriage? Marriage was union meant to be for better for worse till death do you part. I prays goes back to status quo lest they take to the next level which is divorce.
Continue Reading→

Sunday, 14 July 2013

Which Is More Important, The Marriage Proposal Or The Marriage Proper?
Every woman wants to have a dream marriage proposal and wedding. This dream proposal doesn't necessarily mean it'll be grand but let it be as the woman envisioned it. They talk about this often. How often do you ever hear women talk about having a dream marriage? Just be honest with your answer whether you are a man or woman. That brings me to the question; “Which is more important, the marriage proposal or the marriage proper?” The proposal to me is the destination of few weeks, months or years dating/courtship journey while marriage is a lifelong journey. But with the invention of the device called divorce, marriage can last a few hours.

“Which is more important, the marriage proposal or the marriage proper?”
I have often wondered which is more important. The question can be likened to a similar question like “which is more important the journey or the destination?” This is a million dollar question which we will try to answer. Is there even an objective way to answer this question? Opinions differ for sure. A few women I discussed this with all said marriage proposal is important and needs to be a very romantic and memorable. I quite agree with them. BUT none of them was able to categorically say, yes marriage proposal is more important than marriage itself and vice versa. Is it me or is it just the way God wired women?

I can categorically tell you anytime any day that marriage is more important than marriage proposal. Maybe that’s how me or men are wired. Marriage is a long term journey and the proposal is a few minutes event. I don't know about you, as for me;

"I Rather Have A Shitty Marriage Proposal And Have A Blissful Marriage Than A Blissful Marriage Proposal And Shitty Marriage" - Scopium NwabuKing

Some People Take The Proposal More Seriously Than The Wedding Vows
It is so wrong to do so. With divorce rate soon to overtake rate of marriage, one wonders what really pushed the couples to get married. That entire perfect dream proposal lasted only a few years of wedding anniversaries, are you kidding me?

What is the essence of a dream marriage proposal if the marriage is only going to last a few weeks? Then the woman may as well just pick out a ring while the man watches a football match. Yeah I know you'll say nobody goes into a marriage hoping for it to fall apart few years down the line. It falls apart because priorities are misplaced. The less important event is treated as the most important. And the most important journey is relegated to the background.

I'm not saying that marriage proposals aren’t essential. Like I said before They are important. They can serve as a great jumping off point for the sometimes grueling process of planning a wedding. Honestly, creative proposals are the best. The kind when the guy proposes in a way that is romantically meaningful and unique to the couple.

Does It Really Matter How A Man Proposes To A Woman?
Are there women who would turn down marriage or be genuinely upset if he didn’t propose the “right” way? If so what is the "right" way? Are there women who would say yes to a boyfriend she didn’t necessarily want to marry simply because he asked in a stunning fashion? I wonder what single women including you reading this have in mind as their “dream proposal” and what happens if the reality is nothing like they dreamt?

If you have dated this person for some time and you still don’t know each other very well as to make a bad proposal, what else do you know well about your future spouse? What else can your future spouse do well?

According to a marriage proposal study;
One in four brides hated the way their future husband proposed. Twenty-six per cent of brides-to-be said that they wished the moment had been more romantic, original or personal. Others would have preferred it to be more private or complained that it was too over-the-top special, and a third said that the biggest faux pas was proposing without a ring.
I totally agree with the women on proposing without a ring, how dumb is that? How can you not propose with the engagement ring?

Listed Below Is A Few DON’TS About Marriage Proposal
Don’t Propose Empty-Handed
Don't Propose Too Early in the Relationship
Don't Make it Public Or In Front of an Audience
Don't Hide the Engagement Ring in Food
Don't Propose at a Sports Game
Don't Do it in Front of Her Family
Don't Make it Too Complicated
Don't Expect Her to Say Yes Immediately
Don’t Do It At The Wrong Moment

Most Nigerian single women want their single Nigerian men to shower western version of love on them especially when it comes to marriage proposal but they still retain core African attitude towards some of western romantic gestures. For instance an average Nigerian woman will never value being bought flowers fresh or plastic. Their spoken or unspoken sentiment is; ''na flower I go chop?'' meaning 'Is it flower that I will eat?' Or something like; ''Do I look like a goat wey dey eat grass to you?''

A simple, romantic but not over-the-top proposal is necessary, please always remember it is not the end itself. It's a means to achieving an end. There are a few tips to bear in mind for the great marriage proposal.

Listed Below Is A Few DOS Of Marriage Proposal
Do Find The Right Engagement Ring
Do Test the Waters
Do Make it a Surprise
Do Be Prepared
Do Pick A Memorable/Personal Spot
Do Be Creative
Do Drop to One Knee
Do Tell Her Why You Want to Marry Her

I have seen a lot proposal failures and I think to myself does it really worth it? Dude please save yourself the misery and just keep it simply simple


It is very possible to have both a shitty marriage proposal and a shitty marriage or have both a blissful marriage proposal and a blissful marriage. No problem if you end with the latter. If you can have best of both worlds that is awesome. That's my desire for everyone. But if you must have one at cost of the other, please it has to be the long term journey which is The Marriage and not the short term destination which is The Marriage Proposal. It is important you don't let your marriage last as long as your grand spectacular dream marriage proposal. 

That's my opinion on this, I would love to hear yours and learn from you. Let me know what you think via the comment box.

Which Is More Important, The Marriage Proposal Or The Marriage Proper?

Nwabu King  |  at   8:55 pm  |  2 comments

Which Is More Important, The Marriage Proposal Or The Marriage Proper?
Every woman wants to have a dream marriage proposal and wedding. This dream proposal doesn't necessarily mean it'll be grand but let it be as the woman envisioned it. They talk about this often. How often do you ever hear women talk about having a dream marriage? Just be honest with your answer whether you are a man or woman. That brings me to the question; “Which is more important, the marriage proposal or the marriage proper?” The proposal to me is the destination of few weeks, months or years dating/courtship journey while marriage is a lifelong journey. But with the invention of the device called divorce, marriage can last a few hours.

“Which is more important, the marriage proposal or the marriage proper?”
I have often wondered which is more important. The question can be likened to a similar question like “which is more important the journey or the destination?” This is a million dollar question which we will try to answer. Is there even an objective way to answer this question? Opinions differ for sure. A few women I discussed this with all said marriage proposal is important and needs to be a very romantic and memorable. I quite agree with them. BUT none of them was able to categorically say, yes marriage proposal is more important than marriage itself and vice versa. Is it me or is it just the way God wired women?

I can categorically tell you anytime any day that marriage is more important than marriage proposal. Maybe that’s how me or men are wired. Marriage is a long term journey and the proposal is a few minutes event. I don't know about you, as for me;

"I Rather Have A Shitty Marriage Proposal And Have A Blissful Marriage Than A Blissful Marriage Proposal And Shitty Marriage" - Scopium NwabuKing

Some People Take The Proposal More Seriously Than The Wedding Vows
It is so wrong to do so. With divorce rate soon to overtake rate of marriage, one wonders what really pushed the couples to get married. That entire perfect dream proposal lasted only a few years of wedding anniversaries, are you kidding me?

What is the essence of a dream marriage proposal if the marriage is only going to last a few weeks? Then the woman may as well just pick out a ring while the man watches a football match. Yeah I know you'll say nobody goes into a marriage hoping for it to fall apart few years down the line. It falls apart because priorities are misplaced. The less important event is treated as the most important. And the most important journey is relegated to the background.

I'm not saying that marriage proposals aren’t essential. Like I said before They are important. They can serve as a great jumping off point for the sometimes grueling process of planning a wedding. Honestly, creative proposals are the best. The kind when the guy proposes in a way that is romantically meaningful and unique to the couple.

Does It Really Matter How A Man Proposes To A Woman?
Are there women who would turn down marriage or be genuinely upset if he didn’t propose the “right” way? If so what is the "right" way? Are there women who would say yes to a boyfriend she didn’t necessarily want to marry simply because he asked in a stunning fashion? I wonder what single women including you reading this have in mind as their “dream proposal” and what happens if the reality is nothing like they dreamt?

If you have dated this person for some time and you still don’t know each other very well as to make a bad proposal, what else do you know well about your future spouse? What else can your future spouse do well?

According to a marriage proposal study;
One in four brides hated the way their future husband proposed. Twenty-six per cent of brides-to-be said that they wished the moment had been more romantic, original or personal. Others would have preferred it to be more private or complained that it was too over-the-top special, and a third said that the biggest faux pas was proposing without a ring.
I totally agree with the women on proposing without a ring, how dumb is that? How can you not propose with the engagement ring?

Listed Below Is A Few DON’TS About Marriage Proposal
Don’t Propose Empty-Handed
Don't Propose Too Early in the Relationship
Don't Make it Public Or In Front of an Audience
Don't Hide the Engagement Ring in Food
Don't Propose at a Sports Game
Don't Do it in Front of Her Family
Don't Make it Too Complicated
Don't Expect Her to Say Yes Immediately
Don’t Do It At The Wrong Moment

Most Nigerian single women want their single Nigerian men to shower western version of love on them especially when it comes to marriage proposal but they still retain core African attitude towards some of western romantic gestures. For instance an average Nigerian woman will never value being bought flowers fresh or plastic. Their spoken or unspoken sentiment is; ''na flower I go chop?'' meaning 'Is it flower that I will eat?' Or something like; ''Do I look like a goat wey dey eat grass to you?''

A simple, romantic but not over-the-top proposal is necessary, please always remember it is not the end itself. It's a means to achieving an end. There are a few tips to bear in mind for the great marriage proposal.

Listed Below Is A Few DOS Of Marriage Proposal
Do Find The Right Engagement Ring
Do Test the Waters
Do Make it a Surprise
Do Be Prepared
Do Pick A Memorable/Personal Spot
Do Be Creative
Do Drop to One Knee
Do Tell Her Why You Want to Marry Her

I have seen a lot proposal failures and I think to myself does it really worth it? Dude please save yourself the misery and just keep it simply simple


It is very possible to have both a shitty marriage proposal and a shitty marriage or have both a blissful marriage proposal and a blissful marriage. No problem if you end with the latter. If you can have best of both worlds that is awesome. That's my desire for everyone. But if you must have one at cost of the other, please it has to be the long term journey which is The Marriage and not the short term destination which is The Marriage Proposal. It is important you don't let your marriage last as long as your grand spectacular dream marriage proposal. 

That's my opinion on this, I would love to hear yours and learn from you. Let me know what you think via the comment box.
Continue Reading→

Monday, 8 July 2013


Sometimes when partners in a relationship have spent donkey's years together, they stop having fun. Some don't intend it that way but the passion burns out at some point. Even if he's 'put a ring on it' that shouldn't mean you stop joking, laughing a flirting with your man.

If you want to rekindle the passion, excitement of flirting into your relationship especially long term relationship here are a few tips to follow;

1. Create Some Mystery
If you've been living together for what feels like an age you've probably seen the good, the bad and the very ugly. Watching him trim his toenails or giving him access to the bathroom when you're having a pee doesn't exactly create a 'sexy' image in each others' minds. Try introducing a bit more mystery and spontaneity into your relationship. You could try getting dressed for a big night out in private so he only sees the finished effect, or cook an elaborate meal just because. Flirting starts here.

2. Laugh
It sounds simple but don't be afraid to laugh with your partner. In the first stages of a relationship, couples laugh all the time as a way to get to know each other, loosen up and, to some extent, start foreplay. Turn off the television and spend some time enjoying each others' company without distractions. You'll soon find (especially over a glass of wine or two) the spark of humour that connected you at the start of your relationship will return.

3. Be Affectionate
Nicknames, non sexual touching and positive praise in public will show him you care. It sounds obvious, but touching his arms and hands is a sure fire sign that you're flirting even if you're not making eye contact. Handwritten notes on the coffee table, steamy mirror messages and 'thinking of you' texts during the day will keep his mind on you -a great precursor to bedroom foreplay.

4. See Him In His Element
Spend some time with him in an environment where he feels strong and in control. Seeing him coursing with testosterone will remind you that he's an individual and a bloke, not just a man who takes out your rubbish bins and leaves his boxers on the floor. It's the simplest aphrodisiac around and he'll love showing off in front of you.

5. Don't Be Afraid To Be The Boss
Sometimes being a little bit bossy can be a massive turn on. You don't have to turn into a dominatrix over night, but telling him how, when and why you want him, especially in the bedroom, is a great way to shake yourselves out of a boring routine. Subtly reminding him how much you enjoy spending time with him is a simple but seriously effective flirting technique!

5 Amazing Sex Tips To Rekindle Passion In Your Relationship

Nwabu King  |  at   12:42 pm  |  No comments


Sometimes when partners in a relationship have spent donkey's years together, they stop having fun. Some don't intend it that way but the passion burns out at some point. Even if he's 'put a ring on it' that shouldn't mean you stop joking, laughing a flirting with your man.

If you want to rekindle the passion, excitement of flirting into your relationship especially long term relationship here are a few tips to follow;

1. Create Some Mystery
If you've been living together for what feels like an age you've probably seen the good, the bad and the very ugly. Watching him trim his toenails or giving him access to the bathroom when you're having a pee doesn't exactly create a 'sexy' image in each others' minds. Try introducing a bit more mystery and spontaneity into your relationship. You could try getting dressed for a big night out in private so he only sees the finished effect, or cook an elaborate meal just because. Flirting starts here.

2. Laugh
It sounds simple but don't be afraid to laugh with your partner. In the first stages of a relationship, couples laugh all the time as a way to get to know each other, loosen up and, to some extent, start foreplay. Turn off the television and spend some time enjoying each others' company without distractions. You'll soon find (especially over a glass of wine or two) the spark of humour that connected you at the start of your relationship will return.

3. Be Affectionate
Nicknames, non sexual touching and positive praise in public will show him you care. It sounds obvious, but touching his arms and hands is a sure fire sign that you're flirting even if you're not making eye contact. Handwritten notes on the coffee table, steamy mirror messages and 'thinking of you' texts during the day will keep his mind on you -a great precursor to bedroom foreplay.

4. See Him In His Element
Spend some time with him in an environment where he feels strong and in control. Seeing him coursing with testosterone will remind you that he's an individual and a bloke, not just a man who takes out your rubbish bins and leaves his boxers on the floor. It's the simplest aphrodisiac around and he'll love showing off in front of you.

5. Don't Be Afraid To Be The Boss
Sometimes being a little bit bossy can be a massive turn on. You don't have to turn into a dominatrix over night, but telling him how, when and why you want him, especially in the bedroom, is a great way to shake yourselves out of a boring routine. Subtly reminding him how much you enjoy spending time with him is a simple but seriously effective flirting technique!

Continue Reading→

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

http://thechronicled.blogspot.com/
Nigerian men are like any other men physiologically but not entirely the same psychologically. The Nigerian or African culture and environment has its element of influence of the package Nigerian/African Man.

A few of these tips was written by OMG.com.ng. How to please a Nigerian / African man is not a usual question you hear from women but due to abuse and dissatisfaction in relationships, most Nigerian Women are frustrated with their Naija men.

You might just be a Nigerian Woman reading this article please stay strong and read further to learn more. If you are a Nigerian man that is not giving your wife the required attention, please adjust accordingly if you want to please her.

If you are not a Nigerian Man or Woman reading this, it’s still helpful. You can learn a thing or two.

7 Sure Tips To Satisfy A Typical Nigerian Lover
Please Follow These Tips To Satisfy Your Nigerian Man. The list is not exhaustive though.
For emphasis; Marriage didn’t come packaged with a written one-size-fits-all guideline, its left for two adults to work it out following what they learnt from about marriage from the bible, counseling books, their parents, society and their own personal beliefs & moral standing.

First of all Be Certain Your Nigerian Man Really Loves You. Men are not strong at hiding emotion especially when it comes to passionate feeling. If a Nigerian man doesn’t feel connected to his wife, they tend to look out for something that can satisfy their passion. It takes a God-fearing man to stick to his wife even when he doesn’t feel that connected anymore. Now that it is established that this loves and cares so much about you, first don’t let it go to your head. Now do the following

Dress Very Well For Your Man
How did you dress that caught your man’s attention in the first place? Men are creatures of sight! I can’t say this enough, most Nigerian women today dress in a shabby manner especially after having kids. Remember men are attracted to sexy things (women, outfit, shapes, hairstyles, etc).

Make sure you dress well for your man, I don’t care whether you are 20 or 35 or 60, ensure you dress well. The question now is how can I dress well with all these pounds I have added (May be that is why your man is not attracted to you anymore). Keep dressing the way that makes him not want to take his eyes off you.

Be Humble To Your Man
Honestly, most Nigerian women have lost their culture, remember our culture commands respect. I don’t care if you are making twice than him. If your man feels a sense of respect from you, he will respect you in return.

Know How To Cook And Clean
You don't want your Nigerian Man marrying you and the numerous eateries that dot the neighbourhood. They say the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Don't make the mistake that you can short-circuit that through your bossom. If you can't cook learn how to cook at least his favourite dishes he'll love and appreciate you more for the attempt. Also know how to clean. *In fact this tip should be number one*

Maintain A Good Weight
Please Naija women, if you have gained a lot of weight since you got married to your sweetheart, there is a real chance your man might be interested in slim women aka lepa. So, go on a quick diet and shed the weight, keep fit. Some men do like thick women, you don't have to be a slim woman or lepa. Just stay fit and trim.

Be Romantic
To be honest, most Nigerian men are not romantic, so if your man is not romantic, show him some romance. Don’t let him be the first to come and kiss you, kiss him 24/7 especially when you are indoors (but keep in mind to give him some space too, very important).

Remember He Is A Nigerian An Not A Citizen Of Your Romance Fairy-tale Novel Or Fantasy
Don’t have over ambitious expectation for him regarding romance based on what you read in romance novels. Those are fictions, learn to separate the two. Hold him in such high esteem and your relationship is doomed.

Don’t Import Romance From Another Culture And Try To Enforce It On Him
The result may likely be very unfavourable. Though you aspire to live a certain standard or romance life, start from the basic where he is very comfortable.

So when last did you kneel down to greet your husband?
If nothing seems to work after trying all your best, then what you need is counseling

7 Sure Tips To Satisfy A Typical Nigerian Lover

Nwabu King  |  at   5:05 pm  |  No comments

http://thechronicled.blogspot.com/
Nigerian men are like any other men physiologically but not entirely the same psychologically. The Nigerian or African culture and environment has its element of influence of the package Nigerian/African Man.

A few of these tips was written by OMG.com.ng. How to please a Nigerian / African man is not a usual question you hear from women but due to abuse and dissatisfaction in relationships, most Nigerian Women are frustrated with their Naija men.

You might just be a Nigerian Woman reading this article please stay strong and read further to learn more. If you are a Nigerian man that is not giving your wife the required attention, please adjust accordingly if you want to please her.

If you are not a Nigerian Man or Woman reading this, it’s still helpful. You can learn a thing or two.

7 Sure Tips To Satisfy A Typical Nigerian Lover
Please Follow These Tips To Satisfy Your Nigerian Man. The list is not exhaustive though.
For emphasis; Marriage didn’t come packaged with a written one-size-fits-all guideline, its left for two adults to work it out following what they learnt from about marriage from the bible, counseling books, their parents, society and their own personal beliefs & moral standing.

First of all Be Certain Your Nigerian Man Really Loves You. Men are not strong at hiding emotion especially when it comes to passionate feeling. If a Nigerian man doesn’t feel connected to his wife, they tend to look out for something that can satisfy their passion. It takes a God-fearing man to stick to his wife even when he doesn’t feel that connected anymore. Now that it is established that this loves and cares so much about you, first don’t let it go to your head. Now do the following

Dress Very Well For Your Man
How did you dress that caught your man’s attention in the first place? Men are creatures of sight! I can’t say this enough, most Nigerian women today dress in a shabby manner especially after having kids. Remember men are attracted to sexy things (women, outfit, shapes, hairstyles, etc).

Make sure you dress well for your man, I don’t care whether you are 20 or 35 or 60, ensure you dress well. The question now is how can I dress well with all these pounds I have added (May be that is why your man is not attracted to you anymore). Keep dressing the way that makes him not want to take his eyes off you.

Be Humble To Your Man
Honestly, most Nigerian women have lost their culture, remember our culture commands respect. I don’t care if you are making twice than him. If your man feels a sense of respect from you, he will respect you in return.

Know How To Cook And Clean
You don't want your Nigerian Man marrying you and the numerous eateries that dot the neighbourhood. They say the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Don't make the mistake that you can short-circuit that through your bossom. If you can't cook learn how to cook at least his favourite dishes he'll love and appreciate you more for the attempt. Also know how to clean. *In fact this tip should be number one*

Maintain A Good Weight
Please Naija women, if you have gained a lot of weight since you got married to your sweetheart, there is a real chance your man might be interested in slim women aka lepa. So, go on a quick diet and shed the weight, keep fit. Some men do like thick women, you don't have to be a slim woman or lepa. Just stay fit and trim.

Be Romantic
To be honest, most Nigerian men are not romantic, so if your man is not romantic, show him some romance. Don’t let him be the first to come and kiss you, kiss him 24/7 especially when you are indoors (but keep in mind to give him some space too, very important).

Remember He Is A Nigerian An Not A Citizen Of Your Romance Fairy-tale Novel Or Fantasy
Don’t have over ambitious expectation for him regarding romance based on what you read in romance novels. Those are fictions, learn to separate the two. Hold him in such high esteem and your relationship is doomed.

Don’t Import Romance From Another Culture And Try To Enforce It On Him
The result may likely be very unfavourable. Though you aspire to live a certain standard or romance life, start from the basic where he is very comfortable.

So when last did you kneel down to greet your husband?
If nothing seems to work after trying all your best, then what you need is counseling
Continue Reading→

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Couple Celebrate Platinum Anniversary 87 Years Posing As Groom And Bride At Age 4
Ron and Eileen Everest at age 4 (left), on their wedding day in 1943 (center) and in 2013 (right)
This is so amazing. If love like this and a soul-mate match like this was plenty in this world, divorce rate won't be astronomically high! And the good Lord kept them thus far. I'm in AWE! It brings tears to my eye.

There's a lesson to learn here from this wonderful couple. Relationship is perpetual commitment not commitment of convenience.

According to Dailymail

Ron and Eileen Everest never knew a world without each other. They were born in the same hospital. Ron and Eileen were born in 1921 and 1922 respectively and have been friends practically from birth.
As 4-year-olds, they posed as bride and groom in a pretend wedding at a carnival. Later, barely out of their teens, they married for real.

And this year, 87 years after that old photo was taken, the one they fondly refer to as their first wedding rehearsal, the British couple are celebrating their platinum anniversary after 70 years of marriage.

"We have been in love from the age of zero," Ron tells the Telegraph. "We were born in the same maternity hospital – we might have even been born in the same bed."

It wasn't fate, necessarily. In fact, Eileen took some convincing before she eventually agreed to marry Ron in 1943.

"I did not think much of Ron at all," she tells the Daily Mail. "But I did think he looked handsome in his Navy uniform. To be honest, I liked the look of the uniform more than him."

Couple Celebrate Platinum Anniversary 87 Years Posing As Groom And Bride At Age 4
But 70 years after their wedding day, they can look back and see just how special their bond has been.

"We have had our ups and downs, but we have always got on," Eileen says.
Adds Ron: "We promised to love, honor and obey – and I did all the obeying."
Anyway, there's no backing out now. As Eileen says: "I think we will stay together forever."

Couple Celebrate Platinum Anniversary 87 Years After Posing As Groom And Bride At Age 4

Nwabu King  |  at   4:11 am  |  No comments

Couple Celebrate Platinum Anniversary 87 Years Posing As Groom And Bride At Age 4
Ron and Eileen Everest at age 4 (left), on their wedding day in 1943 (center) and in 2013 (right)
This is so amazing. If love like this and a soul-mate match like this was plenty in this world, divorce rate won't be astronomically high! And the good Lord kept them thus far. I'm in AWE! It brings tears to my eye.

There's a lesson to learn here from this wonderful couple. Relationship is perpetual commitment not commitment of convenience.

According to Dailymail

Ron and Eileen Everest never knew a world without each other. They were born in the same hospital. Ron and Eileen were born in 1921 and 1922 respectively and have been friends practically from birth.
As 4-year-olds, they posed as bride and groom in a pretend wedding at a carnival. Later, barely out of their teens, they married for real.

And this year, 87 years after that old photo was taken, the one they fondly refer to as their first wedding rehearsal, the British couple are celebrating their platinum anniversary after 70 years of marriage.

"We have been in love from the age of zero," Ron tells the Telegraph. "We were born in the same maternity hospital – we might have even been born in the same bed."

It wasn't fate, necessarily. In fact, Eileen took some convincing before she eventually agreed to marry Ron in 1943.

"I did not think much of Ron at all," she tells the Daily Mail. "But I did think he looked handsome in his Navy uniform. To be honest, I liked the look of the uniform more than him."

Couple Celebrate Platinum Anniversary 87 Years Posing As Groom And Bride At Age 4
But 70 years after their wedding day, they can look back and see just how special their bond has been.

"We have had our ups and downs, but we have always got on," Eileen says.
Adds Ron: "We promised to love, honor and obey – and I did all the obeying."
Anyway, there's no backing out now. As Eileen says: "I think we will stay together forever."
Continue Reading→

Friday, 7 June 2013

10 Effective Ways On How To Marry The Right Person, Relationship Tips, Successful Marriage
This is a nicely written piece about marriage. I think it addressed and stressed on a lot of peculiar issues or mistakes people make while courting or choosing a life partner. Read and apply to your life if you are single and wants to get married. If your are married already this won't help much.

1) Do Not Marry Potential:
Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change.  This is the wrong approach on both accounts.  Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential.  There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them.  These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2) Choose Character over Chemistry:  
While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love.  The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:

Humility:
 The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort.  They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.

Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money?  How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?

Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character.  You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.

Happiness:
 A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have.  They very rarely complain.


3) Do Not Neglect The  Emotional Needs of Your Partner:

Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved.  The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated.  To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs:  Attention, Affection, & Appreciation.  To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs:  Respect, Reassurance, & Relief.

It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive.  When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his intimate desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.

4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans:
In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.

You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about?  Then ask yourself,

“Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”
The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.


5) Avoid Pre-Marital intimate/Physical Activity:
Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.

Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.
Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or intimate commitment.

6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:
There are four questions that you must answer YES to:

Do I respect and admire this person?  What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
Do I trust this person?  Can I rely on them?  Do I trust their judgment?  Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
Do I feel Safe?  Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?  Can I be vulnerable?  Can I be myself?  Can I be open?  Can I express myself?
Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married.  If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety:
Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage.  Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage.  When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions.  Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship.  If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship.  Look for the following things:

Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time.  Know the difference between suggestions and demands.  Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.

Anger issues:  This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc.  You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment.  Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds.  If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away.  Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.

8) Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner:
Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset.  Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?”  It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team.  When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team.  Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds.  How do they handle it?  Are they defensive?  Do they attack?  Do they withdraw?  Do they get annoyed?  Do they blame you?  Do they ignore it?  Do they hide or rationalize it?  Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility:
It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married.  People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married.  If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage.  Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.

10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner: 

Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster.  Also important to consider are the following:

Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside.  These include people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts.  They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them.  Another clear indication about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people should take care of them and they don’t.

They feel burdened by other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them.  These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships.
Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to build a strong emotional relationship.  Never marry an addict.  Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol.  They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc.  When someone has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you!

Additional Points to Consider:

The fact is no one looks 25 forever.  Ultimately, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance.  When we get to know someone we love and admire, we’ll love them for their inner beauty and overall essence.

Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of others, is rude to you, etc.  We don’t stop to ask, “What does all of this mean about their character?”
Never separate someone from their family, background, education, belief system, etc.  Asking clear questions can clarify this.  Ask questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What are your expectations of marriage?”  “How would you help around the house?” Compare your definition with theirs.

Be flexible.  Be open-minded!
Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom.  It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as happy because of your connection with them.
Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone in addition to beauty, money, and health.  The morally upright and spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and hardship.  If someone isn’t God-conscience and doesn’t take themselves into account with God then why should you expect them to fulfill their rights owed to you?

The ideal partner is someone who considers giving a gain and not causing a loss.  Having a mutual and shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage.  Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well.  Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage.

10 Effective Ways On How To Marry The Right Person

Nwabu King  |  at   12:28 pm  |  2 comments

10 Effective Ways On How To Marry The Right Person, Relationship Tips, Successful Marriage
This is a nicely written piece about marriage. I think it addressed and stressed on a lot of peculiar issues or mistakes people make while courting or choosing a life partner. Read and apply to your life if you are single and wants to get married. If your are married already this won't help much.

1) Do Not Marry Potential:
Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change.  This is the wrong approach on both accounts.  Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential.  There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them.  These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2) Choose Character over Chemistry:  
While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love.  The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:

Humility:
 The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort.  They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.

Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money?  How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?

Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character.  You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.

Happiness:
 A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have.  They very rarely complain.


3) Do Not Neglect The  Emotional Needs of Your Partner:

Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved.  The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated.  To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs:  Attention, Affection, & Appreciation.  To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs:  Respect, Reassurance, & Relief.

It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive.  When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his intimate desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.

4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans:
In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.

You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about?  Then ask yourself,

“Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”
The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.


5) Avoid Pre-Marital intimate/Physical Activity:
Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.

Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.
Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or intimate commitment.

6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:
There are four questions that you must answer YES to:

Do I respect and admire this person?  What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
Do I trust this person?  Can I rely on them?  Do I trust their judgment?  Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
Do I feel Safe?  Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?  Can I be vulnerable?  Can I be myself?  Can I be open?  Can I express myself?
Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married.  If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety:
Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage.  Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage.  When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions.  Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship.  If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship.  Look for the following things:

Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time.  Know the difference between suggestions and demands.  Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.

Anger issues:  This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc.  You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment.  Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds.  If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away.  Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.

8) Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner:
Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset.  Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?”  It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team.  When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team.  Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds.  How do they handle it?  Are they defensive?  Do they attack?  Do they withdraw?  Do they get annoyed?  Do they blame you?  Do they ignore it?  Do they hide or rationalize it?  Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility:
It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married.  People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married.  If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage.  Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.

10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner: 

Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster.  Also important to consider are the following:

Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside.  These include people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts.  They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them.  Another clear indication about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people should take care of them and they don’t.

They feel burdened by other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them.  These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships.
Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to build a strong emotional relationship.  Never marry an addict.  Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol.  They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc.  When someone has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you!

Additional Points to Consider:

The fact is no one looks 25 forever.  Ultimately, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance.  When we get to know someone we love and admire, we’ll love them for their inner beauty and overall essence.

Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of others, is rude to you, etc.  We don’t stop to ask, “What does all of this mean about their character?”
Never separate someone from their family, background, education, belief system, etc.  Asking clear questions can clarify this.  Ask questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What are your expectations of marriage?”  “How would you help around the house?” Compare your definition with theirs.

Be flexible.  Be open-minded!
Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom.  It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as happy because of your connection with them.
Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone in addition to beauty, money, and health.  The morally upright and spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and hardship.  If someone isn’t God-conscience and doesn’t take themselves into account with God then why should you expect them to fulfill their rights owed to you?

The ideal partner is someone who considers giving a gain and not causing a loss.  Having a mutual and shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage.  Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well.  Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage.
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Monday, 3 June 2013

Life Under New Management Tuesday May 28 2013
We have not had light for like three days now. I wonder what the problem is. They flashed it briefly last night. I don’t know what to wear today cuz all my clothes are not ironed. Heaven heard my heart and voila, there was light. I quickly ironed a shirt. I read my devotional open heavens. Today's topic was unusual Command. The memory verse was Matthew 4:4 which says;

''And He answered saying man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.''

I finished study and prayed. I cleaned my room. Did the dishes. Prepared noodles with hotdog, by this time the minute hand has gone a few minutes past nine. I hurried ate it while it was still hot. My dear mouth and its entire inhabitant please me forgive for putting you through this torment. I showered hurriedly also. I got to work a few minutes before ten. A Jay Z’s song I just heard triggered me to drop four sweet lines. The lines are below;

''My Life Is Under New management
I’m Reviewing all Engagement
Old me Just Got Fired
Better Me Just Got Hired''

On my way to work Elsie said she has a gist for me. She narrated to me in detail via series of text messages a tale of monstrous lust, brainlessness, shameless boldness, zero dignity, and unending struggle of how her auntie’s husband tried to force her to kiss him. I wonder what else he tried to force her to do. According to her, her auntie went to school earlier than usual. She was in the kitchen doing the dishes and the kids were at the dinning eating. That was split chance was when the sexual adulatory predator chose to strike. He came to her in the kitchen and forced her to kiss him. She refused and he began to struggle with her. In the struggle of what seemed like near rape ensued plates and cups were broken in the kitchen.

I’m handicapped to paint a vivid picture of what happened since my eyes weren’t there on the crime scene. After enough plates and cups were broken he regained his consciousness and gave the Elsie N20,000 to quickly replace all broken kitchenware so that the wife won’t know. Also before he left the house he asked if there’s anything he can buy for her. She hasn’t slept over at her auntie’s place before but she visits regularly. She didn’t know he had interest in her. This is all according to her. I advised her the best way I can letting her know that this is just the beginning. He will keep coming back until he gets what he wants, there’s a fall out or he gets caught. She has to leave that rape arena for another place.

Since their school is on strike she can come home to her family. There's this small ball in our office about the size of an adult palm closed to form a ball. We used to have a smaller ball and a basketball rim for kids. Me and Ifeanyi used to go head to head for superiority of basketball skills lol. Office redesign and renovation relocated the rim to bad corner so we now use the waste paper basket. The first time we did it he beat me 6-1 after uncountable times lol. That was on Monday. Today I whooped him. He couldn't believe his eyes at throws I was making. I couldn't believe myself either lol. Kobe can’t stand me, I’m on fire!

I went to Access Bank by Chevron roundabout to cash a cheque. Smack in the middle of processing my cheque, the power went off. I had to use my phone torch to light up the cashier's keyboard so she could see. The rain was feeling very generous it started showering. I’m not sure it has ever rained this heavy this year. Thanks to the bank, they were so efficient in reverse mode as they delayed the customers. Everybody was grumbling. The rain didn't care, was it supposed to? It kept pouring, showering, the road got flooded. Luckily I got served at the bank after wasting my time. But all through the time embezzling period, I remained absolutely calm. What will I achieve by panicking?

One of bank's securities escorted me with an umbrella to the car. At the other Access Bank branch beside Four Point Hotel, they always escort me out of the car to the bank or out of the bank to car to shield me from the sun today it was from the rain. I used to take it for granted but today I deeply appreciated it. We couldn’t finish the entire task we set out to do. We lost some time to inefficiencies of the bank and the traffic induced by the rain. We went back to office and shortly closed for the day.

I stopped at Igbo Efon bus stop as usual, the road was flooded. I decided to take a bike. But the greedy bike riders took unnecessary advantage of the flood to inhumanely hike bike fares by up to 200% I had no choice but pay and went home. I went to bed straight.

Life Under New Management Tuesday May 28 2013

Nwabu King  |  at   5:06 pm  |  2 comments

Life Under New Management Tuesday May 28 2013
We have not had light for like three days now. I wonder what the problem is. They flashed it briefly last night. I don’t know what to wear today cuz all my clothes are not ironed. Heaven heard my heart and voila, there was light. I quickly ironed a shirt. I read my devotional open heavens. Today's topic was unusual Command. The memory verse was Matthew 4:4 which says;

''And He answered saying man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.''

I finished study and prayed. I cleaned my room. Did the dishes. Prepared noodles with hotdog, by this time the minute hand has gone a few minutes past nine. I hurried ate it while it was still hot. My dear mouth and its entire inhabitant please me forgive for putting you through this torment. I showered hurriedly also. I got to work a few minutes before ten. A Jay Z’s song I just heard triggered me to drop four sweet lines. The lines are below;

''My Life Is Under New management
I’m Reviewing all Engagement
Old me Just Got Fired
Better Me Just Got Hired''

On my way to work Elsie said she has a gist for me. She narrated to me in detail via series of text messages a tale of monstrous lust, brainlessness, shameless boldness, zero dignity, and unending struggle of how her auntie’s husband tried to force her to kiss him. I wonder what else he tried to force her to do. According to her, her auntie went to school earlier than usual. She was in the kitchen doing the dishes and the kids were at the dinning eating. That was split chance was when the sexual adulatory predator chose to strike. He came to her in the kitchen and forced her to kiss him. She refused and he began to struggle with her. In the struggle of what seemed like near rape ensued plates and cups were broken in the kitchen.

I’m handicapped to paint a vivid picture of what happened since my eyes weren’t there on the crime scene. After enough plates and cups were broken he regained his consciousness and gave the Elsie N20,000 to quickly replace all broken kitchenware so that the wife won’t know. Also before he left the house he asked if there’s anything he can buy for her. She hasn’t slept over at her auntie’s place before but she visits regularly. She didn’t know he had interest in her. This is all according to her. I advised her the best way I can letting her know that this is just the beginning. He will keep coming back until he gets what he wants, there’s a fall out or he gets caught. She has to leave that rape arena for another place.

Since their school is on strike she can come home to her family. There's this small ball in our office about the size of an adult palm closed to form a ball. We used to have a smaller ball and a basketball rim for kids. Me and Ifeanyi used to go head to head for superiority of basketball skills lol. Office redesign and renovation relocated the rim to bad corner so we now use the waste paper basket. The first time we did it he beat me 6-1 after uncountable times lol. That was on Monday. Today I whooped him. He couldn't believe his eyes at throws I was making. I couldn't believe myself either lol. Kobe can’t stand me, I’m on fire!

I went to Access Bank by Chevron roundabout to cash a cheque. Smack in the middle of processing my cheque, the power went off. I had to use my phone torch to light up the cashier's keyboard so she could see. The rain was feeling very generous it started showering. I’m not sure it has ever rained this heavy this year. Thanks to the bank, they were so efficient in reverse mode as they delayed the customers. Everybody was grumbling. The rain didn't care, was it supposed to? It kept pouring, showering, the road got flooded. Luckily I got served at the bank after wasting my time. But all through the time embezzling period, I remained absolutely calm. What will I achieve by panicking?

One of bank's securities escorted me with an umbrella to the car. At the other Access Bank branch beside Four Point Hotel, they always escort me out of the car to the bank or out of the bank to car to shield me from the sun today it was from the rain. I used to take it for granted but today I deeply appreciated it. We couldn’t finish the entire task we set out to do. We lost some time to inefficiencies of the bank and the traffic induced by the rain. We went back to office and shortly closed for the day.

I stopped at Igbo Efon bus stop as usual, the road was flooded. I decided to take a bike. But the greedy bike riders took unnecessary advantage of the flood to inhumanely hike bike fares by up to 200% I had no choice but pay and went home. I went to bed straight.

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Wednesday, 10 April 2013



I was abruptly woken up by Amarachi and Ibe's commotion. Same old shit dog, just a different day. She said she has to be somewhere by latest 8:30 am against 9:00 am. Guess what? She left the a few minutes after nine o'clock. I lazed on the bed throughout the long boring or annoying drama series theirs wishing I can just slip in another dimension like Tobi’s kamui jutsu in Naruto. I did my devotional and then my laundry. It felt good. I showered and left for office a few minutes after 12 noon. Of course I headed straight to the food section at Shoprite, can you blame me. I don’t eat well these days.

I have been asking God to give me the wisdom and peace of mind to handle this convincingly inconveniencing condition competently. Left with me I get rid of them the hard way that is by force. But I don’t think I have the mind to be that harsh. Or maybe they haven’t pushed wrong button yet. Truth is I still can tolerate them. On the other hand I like to give people long rope let me just see what they will do. Let me see if they can eventually come to their senses to do the right thing. I went work late. Ifeanyi breezed in to show off his chic like a prized trophy and then breezed out. The chic is really pretty and 21. The subtle strong parental pressure to get a wife is overwhelmingly weighing on him. 21 is the ideal age he is searching for. Her character is yet to be certified ideal.

I booked a ticket for my boss from Abuja to Owerri. I’m yet to recover my money from Aero/Interswitch/Gtbank the last time I used my debit mastercard to pay for a ticket online. They took my money instantly but the service of a ticket wasn’t delivered. I vowed never to use my atm card again for booking plane ticket. He begged me to pay that instead he will pay me the money I’m yet to recover. It sounded like a promise made by a man on top of a woman when his head is momentarily lost in orgasmic spell like ''darling I-I will, I will go to shoes, clothes, jewelries and buy you Dubai'' I paid shaa. Chris came around but didn’t stay long as it was already late.

I still couldn’t reach Nike from MBA office Yaba, she is not picking her phone. I put a little write-up about my accommodation situation on Nairaland to gauge people's reaction. Funny some people didn't believe the story! I went home. Ibe and his wife were not around. Ibe's call around 11:30 pm shattered my sleep. That was when they came in from the usual God-knows-where. It’s their latest trend these days.

Thursday March 14 2013

Nwabu King  |  at   11:56 am  |  No comments



I was abruptly woken up by Amarachi and Ibe's commotion. Same old shit dog, just a different day. She said she has to be somewhere by latest 8:30 am against 9:00 am. Guess what? She left the a few minutes after nine o'clock. I lazed on the bed throughout the long boring or annoying drama series theirs wishing I can just slip in another dimension like Tobi’s kamui jutsu in Naruto. I did my devotional and then my laundry. It felt good. I showered and left for office a few minutes after 12 noon. Of course I headed straight to the food section at Shoprite, can you blame me. I don’t eat well these days.

I have been asking God to give me the wisdom and peace of mind to handle this convincingly inconveniencing condition competently. Left with me I get rid of them the hard way that is by force. But I don’t think I have the mind to be that harsh. Or maybe they haven’t pushed wrong button yet. Truth is I still can tolerate them. On the other hand I like to give people long rope let me just see what they will do. Let me see if they can eventually come to their senses to do the right thing. I went work late. Ifeanyi breezed in to show off his chic like a prized trophy and then breezed out. The chic is really pretty and 21. The subtle strong parental pressure to get a wife is overwhelmingly weighing on him. 21 is the ideal age he is searching for. Her character is yet to be certified ideal.

I booked a ticket for my boss from Abuja to Owerri. I’m yet to recover my money from Aero/Interswitch/Gtbank the last time I used my debit mastercard to pay for a ticket online. They took my money instantly but the service of a ticket wasn’t delivered. I vowed never to use my atm card again for booking plane ticket. He begged me to pay that instead he will pay me the money I’m yet to recover. It sounded like a promise made by a man on top of a woman when his head is momentarily lost in orgasmic spell like ''darling I-I will, I will go to shoes, clothes, jewelries and buy you Dubai'' I paid shaa. Chris came around but didn’t stay long as it was already late.

I still couldn’t reach Nike from MBA office Yaba, she is not picking her phone. I put a little write-up about my accommodation situation on Nairaland to gauge people's reaction. Funny some people didn't believe the story! I went home. Ibe and his wife were not around. Ibe's call around 11:30 pm shattered my sleep. That was when they came in from the usual God-knows-where. It’s their latest trend these days.
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