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Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Emotional Wellbeing: 3 Effective Tips To Healing After A Heartbreak
Emotional Wellbeing: 3 Effective Tips To Healing After A Heartbreak
Emotional Wellbeing: 3 Effective Tips To Healing After A Heartbreak

A fellow blogger Darren Shilling wrote this this piece about how to handle loss of a someone in love and I thought it will be useful to my readers. Read and be benefited.

Things change, people change, times change, ideals change. Sometimes after all that change we find ourselves standing on the other side of a significant loss. Sometimes we find ourselves heart broken without a clue about what to do. Here are three things I have learned to do in the direct aftermath of an emotional direct hit.


Don't Take It Personally
This direct attack on your happiness and security was an accident. They once loved you and you once loved them. Maybe they even wanted to be with you but felt that they couldn't. Maybe they took your situation for granted and let their emotions fade. Maybe you were still fully in love and they did some things that destroyed you because they didn't have the courage to be honest with you. No matter what their actions what they did was an accident.

At this point I'd like to add that if they are still in love with you and you are still in love with them but you broke up with them because what they did was “unforgivable”, nothing is unforgivable if you are in love.

That being said if there emotions changed it was an accident. You can fall out of love as quickly as you can fall in love. The pain you are feeling wasn't an intentional attack on you. It wasn't premeditated and purposeful. It just happened. They also thought you were going to be there when they died. They also planned a future for the two of you. They also loved you. Now that has changed but they also didn't want it to. It just did. It's unfair to hold them accountable for something that is out of their control like their feelings changing. 


Treat Everyone Involved Gracefully
At the end of the day the situation isn't going to change. The movies love to make you think that the best thing to do is lash out and attack them and burn their clothes and smash their car. It's not. Your heart is broken. I get it. It's difficult. I know that.

Any attack you make will be made on someone you once loved. Weather you like it or not they still contain something you once loved. Your pain and anger and hurt are yours to deal with. Lashing out with emotions like anger and fear is only meant to be done in the event of an emergency to get you to a place of safety. Once you have used those emotions to get away from the source of danger their purpose is over. Revenge and spite and retribution can only serve to hurt someone else. Using your pain as a motivation to attack another human being will only end up extending your pain.

Distance yourself form the situation but don't attack. You're going to recover a lot quicker if you allow those initial emotions to settle down so you can move on to the upcoming stages of acceptance, and forgiveness. Remember your goal is healing yourself so you no longer feel this pain.


Be Grateful For Having Felt Love
Maybe it's not that big of a deal to you. Maybe it's something you figure everyone gets to have at some point in their lives. Let me tell you sister (or brother) it's rare. What you felt there for a while no matter how long you felt it is an extremely rare thing on this planet. Not everyone gets to feel real love in their lifetime. Some people don't even get to feel familial love. Some people can't even find a dog that likes them.

It's pretty easy to take all kinds of things for granted if you're in a privileged country. Just like access to clean water, grocery stores, and medical care what you had was rare and valuable. Don't forget that. You received a gift that is far more rare than the diamonds they put in wedding rings. Allow yourself to celebrate the receiving of that great gift. The pain you feel now that it's over pales in comparison to the value of what you have gotten to feel and celebrate with your former lover.

Take the time to throw up a little thank you prayer to whomever you like to thank in your prayers for what you were given. It was a great reward for being a human being.

In Conclusion
You will heal and you will move on and you will love again. You are capable of feeling this again. Weather you like it or not love ends.Either someone dies or someone leaves. Either way the value of what you had with that other person is not diminished by it ending.



Now It’s Your Turn. Please Don't FORGET To SHARE This POST, Your Friends Might Need It! Feel Free To Leave Your COMMENTS. Your FEEDBACK And COMMENTS Are Always Appreciated. :-)

Emotional Wellbeing: 3 Effective Tips To Healing After A Heartbreak

Nwabu King  |  at   5:44 am  |  No comments

Emotional Wellbeing: 3 Effective Tips To Healing After A Heartbreak
Emotional Wellbeing: 3 Effective Tips To Healing After A Heartbreak
Emotional Wellbeing: 3 Effective Tips To Healing After A Heartbreak

A fellow blogger Darren Shilling wrote this this piece about how to handle loss of a someone in love and I thought it will be useful to my readers. Read and be benefited.

Things change, people change, times change, ideals change. Sometimes after all that change we find ourselves standing on the other side of a significant loss. Sometimes we find ourselves heart broken without a clue about what to do. Here are three things I have learned to do in the direct aftermath of an emotional direct hit.


Don't Take It Personally
This direct attack on your happiness and security was an accident. They once loved you and you once loved them. Maybe they even wanted to be with you but felt that they couldn't. Maybe they took your situation for granted and let their emotions fade. Maybe you were still fully in love and they did some things that destroyed you because they didn't have the courage to be honest with you. No matter what their actions what they did was an accident.

At this point I'd like to add that if they are still in love with you and you are still in love with them but you broke up with them because what they did was “unforgivable”, nothing is unforgivable if you are in love.

That being said if there emotions changed it was an accident. You can fall out of love as quickly as you can fall in love. The pain you are feeling wasn't an intentional attack on you. It wasn't premeditated and purposeful. It just happened. They also thought you were going to be there when they died. They also planned a future for the two of you. They also loved you. Now that has changed but they also didn't want it to. It just did. It's unfair to hold them accountable for something that is out of their control like their feelings changing. 


Treat Everyone Involved Gracefully
At the end of the day the situation isn't going to change. The movies love to make you think that the best thing to do is lash out and attack them and burn their clothes and smash their car. It's not. Your heart is broken. I get it. It's difficult. I know that.

Any attack you make will be made on someone you once loved. Weather you like it or not they still contain something you once loved. Your pain and anger and hurt are yours to deal with. Lashing out with emotions like anger and fear is only meant to be done in the event of an emergency to get you to a place of safety. Once you have used those emotions to get away from the source of danger their purpose is over. Revenge and spite and retribution can only serve to hurt someone else. Using your pain as a motivation to attack another human being will only end up extending your pain.

Distance yourself form the situation but don't attack. You're going to recover a lot quicker if you allow those initial emotions to settle down so you can move on to the upcoming stages of acceptance, and forgiveness. Remember your goal is healing yourself so you no longer feel this pain.


Be Grateful For Having Felt Love
Maybe it's not that big of a deal to you. Maybe it's something you figure everyone gets to have at some point in their lives. Let me tell you sister (or brother) it's rare. What you felt there for a while no matter how long you felt it is an extremely rare thing on this planet. Not everyone gets to feel real love in their lifetime. Some people don't even get to feel familial love. Some people can't even find a dog that likes them.

It's pretty easy to take all kinds of things for granted if you're in a privileged country. Just like access to clean water, grocery stores, and medical care what you had was rare and valuable. Don't forget that. You received a gift that is far more rare than the diamonds they put in wedding rings. Allow yourself to celebrate the receiving of that great gift. The pain you feel now that it's over pales in comparison to the value of what you have gotten to feel and celebrate with your former lover.

Take the time to throw up a little thank you prayer to whomever you like to thank in your prayers for what you were given. It was a great reward for being a human being.

In Conclusion
You will heal and you will move on and you will love again. You are capable of feeling this again. Weather you like it or not love ends.Either someone dies or someone leaves. Either way the value of what you had with that other person is not diminished by it ending.



Now It’s Your Turn. Please Don't FORGET To SHARE This POST, Your Friends Might Need It! Feel Free To Leave Your COMMENTS. Your FEEDBACK And COMMENTS Are Always Appreciated. :-)
Continue Reading→

Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Independent Woman: Ladies Create Your Own Identity And Raise Your Worth
I got this off my friends wall on Facebook I find it very interesting.

"My boyfriend works at..."

"My boyfriend is a..."

"My boyfriend drives a..."

"My boyfriend lives in..."

"My boyfriend owns..."

These are phrases we must eliminate from our vocabulary, ladies. We must arrive at a point where our boyfriends do not define who we are. A woman of substance does not allow herself to be defined by who her man is, she creates an identity for herself. And creating that identity does not mean competing with her man, it means architecting a path uniquely for herself. Your man may be rich and powerful, a respected businessman. You need not be a rich businesswoman, you can still choose a path that is aligned to your passion, even if it's not something that will make of you a millionaire, yet still be able to make a mark in the space that you occupy.

We must protect our relationships, but not at the expense of ourselves. We must refuse to let men dictate terms to us, terms which seek to divert us from our own passions, from designing our own legacies. A man who insists that you stop doing what you love is not worthy of you. A man who gets angry when you build your own legacy does not deserve you. If you are passionate about civil society and a man tells you to quit being an activist for his sake, he's not worthy of you. Men who want to dim our lights are unworthy of our love. And ourselves too must never make compromises for men, where our own growth and identity is concerned. No relationship is worth sacrificing your identity for. But for men to take us seriously, we must take ourselves seriously.

It begins with not being trophies of men. It begins with refusing to be reduced to subordinate roles where we have no identity outside that of our men. We must do what defines us. If you are a writer, then write. If you are a poet then perform. Whatever you are, let the world know you for that. Let your partner not complete you, but rather, complement you. Let the world know you as who you are, not who you are sleeping with. When someone asks who you are, let the response be about YOU. The worst thing that can happen to a woman is that when someone asks who she is, the response is: "You don't know her? She is the girlfriend of the director of x, y, z..." We must make our mark as women, not be defined by who our men are, where they work, what they have achieved and what they have. Women of substance don't assume men's identities, they create their own.

My Opinion
The bitter truth most women are so materialistic that you can actually extract materialism from their DNA nothing will remain. They want to look like Beyoncé but they don’t have any desire whatsoever to work like Beyoncé. So they look a veritable Man of Steel or in this case Man of Materialism to latch unto. Guys on the other hand sadly exploit women for this. They know once they make money women will naturally flock around them like ants to sugar. So most guys simply forget about women and focus on money like rappers MOB (Money Over B*tches).

A woman must come to a relationship with something valuable to offer and not just to be redecorated by the man. However she should also know who the head in the relationship is. Once a woman starts acting or behaving like she is the one with two balls, the relationship is instantly doomed.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a woman's identity being connected to his man's success and vice versa. Success should be collectively celebrated together.

Most women don't get it that success is not sexually transmitted. But with time and some painful experience they do.

Still there are some really decent women out there. Shout out to all of them


Please Don't FORGET To SHARE This POST!!

Independent Woman: Ladies Create Your Own Identity And Raise Your Worth

Nwabu King  |  at   9:46 am  |  No comments

Independent Woman: Ladies Create Your Own Identity And Raise Your Worth
I got this off my friends wall on Facebook I find it very interesting.

"My boyfriend works at..."

"My boyfriend is a..."

"My boyfriend drives a..."

"My boyfriend lives in..."

"My boyfriend owns..."

These are phrases we must eliminate from our vocabulary, ladies. We must arrive at a point where our boyfriends do not define who we are. A woman of substance does not allow herself to be defined by who her man is, she creates an identity for herself. And creating that identity does not mean competing with her man, it means architecting a path uniquely for herself. Your man may be rich and powerful, a respected businessman. You need not be a rich businesswoman, you can still choose a path that is aligned to your passion, even if it's not something that will make of you a millionaire, yet still be able to make a mark in the space that you occupy.

We must protect our relationships, but not at the expense of ourselves. We must refuse to let men dictate terms to us, terms which seek to divert us from our own passions, from designing our own legacies. A man who insists that you stop doing what you love is not worthy of you. A man who gets angry when you build your own legacy does not deserve you. If you are passionate about civil society and a man tells you to quit being an activist for his sake, he's not worthy of you. Men who want to dim our lights are unworthy of our love. And ourselves too must never make compromises for men, where our own growth and identity is concerned. No relationship is worth sacrificing your identity for. But for men to take us seriously, we must take ourselves seriously.

It begins with not being trophies of men. It begins with refusing to be reduced to subordinate roles where we have no identity outside that of our men. We must do what defines us. If you are a writer, then write. If you are a poet then perform. Whatever you are, let the world know you for that. Let your partner not complete you, but rather, complement you. Let the world know you as who you are, not who you are sleeping with. When someone asks who you are, let the response be about YOU. The worst thing that can happen to a woman is that when someone asks who she is, the response is: "You don't know her? She is the girlfriend of the director of x, y, z..." We must make our mark as women, not be defined by who our men are, where they work, what they have achieved and what they have. Women of substance don't assume men's identities, they create their own.

My Opinion
The bitter truth most women are so materialistic that you can actually extract materialism from their DNA nothing will remain. They want to look like Beyoncé but they don’t have any desire whatsoever to work like Beyoncé. So they look a veritable Man of Steel or in this case Man of Materialism to latch unto. Guys on the other hand sadly exploit women for this. They know once they make money women will naturally flock around them like ants to sugar. So most guys simply forget about women and focus on money like rappers MOB (Money Over B*tches).

A woman must come to a relationship with something valuable to offer and not just to be redecorated by the man. However she should also know who the head in the relationship is. Once a woman starts acting or behaving like she is the one with two balls, the relationship is instantly doomed.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a woman's identity being connected to his man's success and vice versa. Success should be collectively celebrated together.

Most women don't get it that success is not sexually transmitted. But with time and some painful experience they do.

Still there are some really decent women out there. Shout out to all of them


Please Don't FORGET To SHARE This POST!!
Continue Reading→

Monday, 8 July 2013


Sometimes when partners in a relationship have spent donkey's years together, they stop having fun. Some don't intend it that way but the passion burns out at some point. Even if he's 'put a ring on it' that shouldn't mean you stop joking, laughing a flirting with your man.

If you want to rekindle the passion, excitement of flirting into your relationship especially long term relationship here are a few tips to follow;

1. Create Some Mystery
If you've been living together for what feels like an age you've probably seen the good, the bad and the very ugly. Watching him trim his toenails or giving him access to the bathroom when you're having a pee doesn't exactly create a 'sexy' image in each others' minds. Try introducing a bit more mystery and spontaneity into your relationship. You could try getting dressed for a big night out in private so he only sees the finished effect, or cook an elaborate meal just because. Flirting starts here.

2. Laugh
It sounds simple but don't be afraid to laugh with your partner. In the first stages of a relationship, couples laugh all the time as a way to get to know each other, loosen up and, to some extent, start foreplay. Turn off the television and spend some time enjoying each others' company without distractions. You'll soon find (especially over a glass of wine or two) the spark of humour that connected you at the start of your relationship will return.

3. Be Affectionate
Nicknames, non sexual touching and positive praise in public will show him you care. It sounds obvious, but touching his arms and hands is a sure fire sign that you're flirting even if you're not making eye contact. Handwritten notes on the coffee table, steamy mirror messages and 'thinking of you' texts during the day will keep his mind on you -a great precursor to bedroom foreplay.

4. See Him In His Element
Spend some time with him in an environment where he feels strong and in control. Seeing him coursing with testosterone will remind you that he's an individual and a bloke, not just a man who takes out your rubbish bins and leaves his boxers on the floor. It's the simplest aphrodisiac around and he'll love showing off in front of you.

5. Don't Be Afraid To Be The Boss
Sometimes being a little bit bossy can be a massive turn on. You don't have to turn into a dominatrix over night, but telling him how, when and why you want him, especially in the bedroom, is a great way to shake yourselves out of a boring routine. Subtly reminding him how much you enjoy spending time with him is a simple but seriously effective flirting technique!

5 Amazing Sex Tips To Rekindle Passion In Your Relationship

Nwabu King  |  at   12:42 pm  |  No comments


Sometimes when partners in a relationship have spent donkey's years together, they stop having fun. Some don't intend it that way but the passion burns out at some point. Even if he's 'put a ring on it' that shouldn't mean you stop joking, laughing a flirting with your man.

If you want to rekindle the passion, excitement of flirting into your relationship especially long term relationship here are a few tips to follow;

1. Create Some Mystery
If you've been living together for what feels like an age you've probably seen the good, the bad and the very ugly. Watching him trim his toenails or giving him access to the bathroom when you're having a pee doesn't exactly create a 'sexy' image in each others' minds. Try introducing a bit more mystery and spontaneity into your relationship. You could try getting dressed for a big night out in private so he only sees the finished effect, or cook an elaborate meal just because. Flirting starts here.

2. Laugh
It sounds simple but don't be afraid to laugh with your partner. In the first stages of a relationship, couples laugh all the time as a way to get to know each other, loosen up and, to some extent, start foreplay. Turn off the television and spend some time enjoying each others' company without distractions. You'll soon find (especially over a glass of wine or two) the spark of humour that connected you at the start of your relationship will return.

3. Be Affectionate
Nicknames, non sexual touching and positive praise in public will show him you care. It sounds obvious, but touching his arms and hands is a sure fire sign that you're flirting even if you're not making eye contact. Handwritten notes on the coffee table, steamy mirror messages and 'thinking of you' texts during the day will keep his mind on you -a great precursor to bedroom foreplay.

4. See Him In His Element
Spend some time with him in an environment where he feels strong and in control. Seeing him coursing with testosterone will remind you that he's an individual and a bloke, not just a man who takes out your rubbish bins and leaves his boxers on the floor. It's the simplest aphrodisiac around and he'll love showing off in front of you.

5. Don't Be Afraid To Be The Boss
Sometimes being a little bit bossy can be a massive turn on. You don't have to turn into a dominatrix over night, but telling him how, when and why you want him, especially in the bedroom, is a great way to shake yourselves out of a boring routine. Subtly reminding him how much you enjoy spending time with him is a simple but seriously effective flirting technique!

Continue Reading→

Saturday, 6 July 2013


For any relationship to work, the parties involved must learn to forgive each other. Now note I said any relationship. Forgiveness is vital sustaining element of any relationship be it boy/girlfriend, husband/wife, parent/children, between siblings, regular friends, work colleagues, etc. Granted from time to time one party will wrong the other knowingly or unknowingly, the parties involved need to learn to forgive if they value that relationship. It’s easier said than done I know but it’s better done than not.


Recently I reached a hand of fellowship to someone, a friend that has wronged me so much. I felt like burden was lifted off my shoulder. Forgiveness is the key to freedom of the mind. Forgiveness is a priceless relationship guidance tip.

What Is The Significance Of Forgiveness In A Relationship?
Why does it matter? Forgiveness is a sign that one is willing to trust. If one cannot forgive, that indicates the person will never trust his or her partner again. Everyone makes mistakes. Some make bigger mistakes than the rest of us. Forgiveness becomes important when a person who has committed the mistake realizes the blunder and is truly sorry for his or her actions. Trust and forgiveness go hand in hand in every relationship.

Why Do You Forgive A Person You Are In A Relationship With?
  1. The primary reason is love. We forgive because we love the person and are willing to forgive out of love.
  2. It also means we do not take the other person’s actions personally.
  3. Willingness to forgive shows we have control over our anger and we can handle crisis situations.
  4. It is a sign of maturity that allows one to behave with tact and act in a magnanimous manner.
Understanding
Couples need to learn to forgive as it can make life easier for them. Living together becomes easy when a partner is willing to understand and forgive. Living together holding a grudge can make it impossible to continue the relationship. Some people cannot handle being hurt and seek revenge. This is not good for the relationship. To continue living in a healthy relationship forgiveness has to come at the right time.

Implications Of Forgiveness
Forgiving is never easy. How does one forget the trauma and pain caused by the partner? Yet forgiving has healing powers, it is healthy. Being able to forgive helps you cope better with stress. It removes anger and is considered as good for your cardiovascular health according to experts. Forgiveness reduces stress levels.

How To Learn To Forgive?
Some people forgive easily while for some it is an art that they have to master. Here are some tips that can help a person to forgive –
  1. Learn to recognize your partner’s shortcomings. We are all humans and none of us is perfect. We all have our own flaws. Coming to terms with your partner’s flaws can help you forgive your partner. 
  2. Focus on the action not on your partner. What your partner does to you could hurt you. Do not let the hurt take away what you share. If you cannot forgive your partner’s action, you end up putting your whole relationship at stake. Ask yourself if it is really worth it? 
  3. Remember the good times you have had and the special bond that you share. Memories of better times make forgiveness easier. 
  4. Reflect on what really transpired. Think whether the reason really deserves your anger and hatred forever.
In Conclusion
If you want your relationship to work, you would need to forgive. Forgiving does not mean you are scared or you accept what your partner has done. It means that you want to give your relationship another chance. It means that you hold the love that you share in higher esteem than the things that hurt you. It means that you are a strong and mature adult, capable of handling situations that life throws at you, instead of hiding behind anger.

We love happy endings. Live happily ever after as you learn to forgive.

The Benefits Of Forgiveness In a Relationship, Learn To Forgive

Nwabu King  |  at   9:37 am  |  No comments


For any relationship to work, the parties involved must learn to forgive each other. Now note I said any relationship. Forgiveness is vital sustaining element of any relationship be it boy/girlfriend, husband/wife, parent/children, between siblings, regular friends, work colleagues, etc. Granted from time to time one party will wrong the other knowingly or unknowingly, the parties involved need to learn to forgive if they value that relationship. It’s easier said than done I know but it’s better done than not.


Recently I reached a hand of fellowship to someone, a friend that has wronged me so much. I felt like burden was lifted off my shoulder. Forgiveness is the key to freedom of the mind. Forgiveness is a priceless relationship guidance tip.

What Is The Significance Of Forgiveness In A Relationship?
Why does it matter? Forgiveness is a sign that one is willing to trust. If one cannot forgive, that indicates the person will never trust his or her partner again. Everyone makes mistakes. Some make bigger mistakes than the rest of us. Forgiveness becomes important when a person who has committed the mistake realizes the blunder and is truly sorry for his or her actions. Trust and forgiveness go hand in hand in every relationship.

Why Do You Forgive A Person You Are In A Relationship With?
  1. The primary reason is love. We forgive because we love the person and are willing to forgive out of love.
  2. It also means we do not take the other person’s actions personally.
  3. Willingness to forgive shows we have control over our anger and we can handle crisis situations.
  4. It is a sign of maturity that allows one to behave with tact and act in a magnanimous manner.
Understanding
Couples need to learn to forgive as it can make life easier for them. Living together becomes easy when a partner is willing to understand and forgive. Living together holding a grudge can make it impossible to continue the relationship. Some people cannot handle being hurt and seek revenge. This is not good for the relationship. To continue living in a healthy relationship forgiveness has to come at the right time.

Implications Of Forgiveness
Forgiving is never easy. How does one forget the trauma and pain caused by the partner? Yet forgiving has healing powers, it is healthy. Being able to forgive helps you cope better with stress. It removes anger and is considered as good for your cardiovascular health according to experts. Forgiveness reduces stress levels.

How To Learn To Forgive?
Some people forgive easily while for some it is an art that they have to master. Here are some tips that can help a person to forgive –
  1. Learn to recognize your partner’s shortcomings. We are all humans and none of us is perfect. We all have our own flaws. Coming to terms with your partner’s flaws can help you forgive your partner. 
  2. Focus on the action not on your partner. What your partner does to you could hurt you. Do not let the hurt take away what you share. If you cannot forgive your partner’s action, you end up putting your whole relationship at stake. Ask yourself if it is really worth it? 
  3. Remember the good times you have had and the special bond that you share. Memories of better times make forgiveness easier. 
  4. Reflect on what really transpired. Think whether the reason really deserves your anger and hatred forever.
In Conclusion
If you want your relationship to work, you would need to forgive. Forgiving does not mean you are scared or you accept what your partner has done. It means that you want to give your relationship another chance. It means that you hold the love that you share in higher esteem than the things that hurt you. It means that you are a strong and mature adult, capable of handling situations that life throws at you, instead of hiding behind anger.

We love happy endings. Live happily ever after as you learn to forgive.
Continue Reading→

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

http://thechronicled.blogspot.com/
Nigerian men are like any other men physiologically but not entirely the same psychologically. The Nigerian or African culture and environment has its element of influence of the package Nigerian/African Man.

A few of these tips was written by OMG.com.ng. How to please a Nigerian / African man is not a usual question you hear from women but due to abuse and dissatisfaction in relationships, most Nigerian Women are frustrated with their Naija men.

You might just be a Nigerian Woman reading this article please stay strong and read further to learn more. If you are a Nigerian man that is not giving your wife the required attention, please adjust accordingly if you want to please her.

If you are not a Nigerian Man or Woman reading this, it’s still helpful. You can learn a thing or two.

7 Sure Tips To Satisfy A Typical Nigerian Lover
Please Follow These Tips To Satisfy Your Nigerian Man. The list is not exhaustive though.
For emphasis; Marriage didn’t come packaged with a written one-size-fits-all guideline, its left for two adults to work it out following what they learnt from about marriage from the bible, counseling books, their parents, society and their own personal beliefs & moral standing.

First of all Be Certain Your Nigerian Man Really Loves You. Men are not strong at hiding emotion especially when it comes to passionate feeling. If a Nigerian man doesn’t feel connected to his wife, they tend to look out for something that can satisfy their passion. It takes a God-fearing man to stick to his wife even when he doesn’t feel that connected anymore. Now that it is established that this loves and cares so much about you, first don’t let it go to your head. Now do the following

Dress Very Well For Your Man
How did you dress that caught your man’s attention in the first place? Men are creatures of sight! I can’t say this enough, most Nigerian women today dress in a shabby manner especially after having kids. Remember men are attracted to sexy things (women, outfit, shapes, hairstyles, etc).

Make sure you dress well for your man, I don’t care whether you are 20 or 35 or 60, ensure you dress well. The question now is how can I dress well with all these pounds I have added (May be that is why your man is not attracted to you anymore). Keep dressing the way that makes him not want to take his eyes off you.

Be Humble To Your Man
Honestly, most Nigerian women have lost their culture, remember our culture commands respect. I don’t care if you are making twice than him. If your man feels a sense of respect from you, he will respect you in return.

Know How To Cook And Clean
You don't want your Nigerian Man marrying you and the numerous eateries that dot the neighbourhood. They say the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Don't make the mistake that you can short-circuit that through your bossom. If you can't cook learn how to cook at least his favourite dishes he'll love and appreciate you more for the attempt. Also know how to clean. *In fact this tip should be number one*

Maintain A Good Weight
Please Naija women, if you have gained a lot of weight since you got married to your sweetheart, there is a real chance your man might be interested in slim women aka lepa. So, go on a quick diet and shed the weight, keep fit. Some men do like thick women, you don't have to be a slim woman or lepa. Just stay fit and trim.

Be Romantic
To be honest, most Nigerian men are not romantic, so if your man is not romantic, show him some romance. Don’t let him be the first to come and kiss you, kiss him 24/7 especially when you are indoors (but keep in mind to give him some space too, very important).

Remember He Is A Nigerian An Not A Citizen Of Your Romance Fairy-tale Novel Or Fantasy
Don’t have over ambitious expectation for him regarding romance based on what you read in romance novels. Those are fictions, learn to separate the two. Hold him in such high esteem and your relationship is doomed.

Don’t Import Romance From Another Culture And Try To Enforce It On Him
The result may likely be very unfavourable. Though you aspire to live a certain standard or romance life, start from the basic where he is very comfortable.

So when last did you kneel down to greet your husband?
If nothing seems to work after trying all your best, then what you need is counseling

7 Sure Tips To Satisfy A Typical Nigerian Lover

Nwabu King  |  at   5:05 pm  |  No comments

http://thechronicled.blogspot.com/
Nigerian men are like any other men physiologically but not entirely the same psychologically. The Nigerian or African culture and environment has its element of influence of the package Nigerian/African Man.

A few of these tips was written by OMG.com.ng. How to please a Nigerian / African man is not a usual question you hear from women but due to abuse and dissatisfaction in relationships, most Nigerian Women are frustrated with their Naija men.

You might just be a Nigerian Woman reading this article please stay strong and read further to learn more. If you are a Nigerian man that is not giving your wife the required attention, please adjust accordingly if you want to please her.

If you are not a Nigerian Man or Woman reading this, it’s still helpful. You can learn a thing or two.

7 Sure Tips To Satisfy A Typical Nigerian Lover
Please Follow These Tips To Satisfy Your Nigerian Man. The list is not exhaustive though.
For emphasis; Marriage didn’t come packaged with a written one-size-fits-all guideline, its left for two adults to work it out following what they learnt from about marriage from the bible, counseling books, their parents, society and their own personal beliefs & moral standing.

First of all Be Certain Your Nigerian Man Really Loves You. Men are not strong at hiding emotion especially when it comes to passionate feeling. If a Nigerian man doesn’t feel connected to his wife, they tend to look out for something that can satisfy their passion. It takes a God-fearing man to stick to his wife even when he doesn’t feel that connected anymore. Now that it is established that this loves and cares so much about you, first don’t let it go to your head. Now do the following

Dress Very Well For Your Man
How did you dress that caught your man’s attention in the first place? Men are creatures of sight! I can’t say this enough, most Nigerian women today dress in a shabby manner especially after having kids. Remember men are attracted to sexy things (women, outfit, shapes, hairstyles, etc).

Make sure you dress well for your man, I don’t care whether you are 20 or 35 or 60, ensure you dress well. The question now is how can I dress well with all these pounds I have added (May be that is why your man is not attracted to you anymore). Keep dressing the way that makes him not want to take his eyes off you.

Be Humble To Your Man
Honestly, most Nigerian women have lost their culture, remember our culture commands respect. I don’t care if you are making twice than him. If your man feels a sense of respect from you, he will respect you in return.

Know How To Cook And Clean
You don't want your Nigerian Man marrying you and the numerous eateries that dot the neighbourhood. They say the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Don't make the mistake that you can short-circuit that through your bossom. If you can't cook learn how to cook at least his favourite dishes he'll love and appreciate you more for the attempt. Also know how to clean. *In fact this tip should be number one*

Maintain A Good Weight
Please Naija women, if you have gained a lot of weight since you got married to your sweetheart, there is a real chance your man might be interested in slim women aka lepa. So, go on a quick diet and shed the weight, keep fit. Some men do like thick women, you don't have to be a slim woman or lepa. Just stay fit and trim.

Be Romantic
To be honest, most Nigerian men are not romantic, so if your man is not romantic, show him some romance. Don’t let him be the first to come and kiss you, kiss him 24/7 especially when you are indoors (but keep in mind to give him some space too, very important).

Remember He Is A Nigerian An Not A Citizen Of Your Romance Fairy-tale Novel Or Fantasy
Don’t have over ambitious expectation for him regarding romance based on what you read in romance novels. Those are fictions, learn to separate the two. Hold him in such high esteem and your relationship is doomed.

Don’t Import Romance From Another Culture And Try To Enforce It On Him
The result may likely be very unfavourable. Though you aspire to live a certain standard or romance life, start from the basic where he is very comfortable.

So when last did you kneel down to greet your husband?
If nothing seems to work after trying all your best, then what you need is counseling
Continue Reading→

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Relationship Guidance: Basis Of Every Romance Relationship

This is incredible. I've never thought of a thing like this relationship guidance tip. Based on the relationship guidance chart by GraphJam, every romantic relationships share two major traits; what they hate in common and what they like in common. Graphically via GraphJam, they hate more things in common than what the couple both like. I reserve my comment on this relationship tip. Do you Agree or Disagree?

Relationship Guidance: Basis Of Every Romance Relationship

Nwabu King  |  at   2:10 pm  |  No comments

Relationship Guidance: Basis Of Every Romance Relationship

This is incredible. I've never thought of a thing like this relationship guidance tip. Based on the relationship guidance chart by GraphJam, every romantic relationships share two major traits; what they hate in common and what they like in common. Graphically via GraphJam, they hate more things in common than what the couple both like. I reserve my comment on this relationship tip. Do you Agree or Disagree?
Continue Reading→

Friday, 14 June 2013

Tiger Woods Ex, Elin Nordegren Angry About His Relationship With Lindsey Voon
US Weekly has this story that Tiger Woods’s ex-wife, Elin Nordegren, doesn’t approve of the golfer’s new relationship with Olympic ski star Lindsey Vonn. According to an Us Weekly source, Nordegren “hates Lindsey Vonn and everything about his romance.”

Tiger Woods Ex, Elin Nordegren Angry About His Relationship With Lindsey Voon
L -R Elin Nordegren & Lindsey Vonn
Last time I checked with my fine tooth comb Tiger Woods is a grown man who doesn't need permission from an ex that made lots of money off of him. Wait you cant stay with Tiger and you hate who is now. Is Elin Nordegren reacting out of love and for Tiger Woods or what

The source added that Nordegren is “angry Tiger even has visitation rights to the kids.” Woods and Nordegren have two kids – Sam, 5, and Charlie, 4. They divorced in 2010 after the world learned that Tiger wasn’t always at the practice range when he wasn’t home.

What does Woods think about Nordegren's anger? "He doesn't care about her," the source added. If I were Tiger Woods I wouldn't care about her too.

Tiger Woods Ex, Elin Nordegren Angry About His Relationship With Lindsey Voon

Nwabu King  |  at   4:12 pm  |  No comments

Tiger Woods Ex, Elin Nordegren Angry About His Relationship With Lindsey Voon
US Weekly has this story that Tiger Woods’s ex-wife, Elin Nordegren, doesn’t approve of the golfer’s new relationship with Olympic ski star Lindsey Vonn. According to an Us Weekly source, Nordegren “hates Lindsey Vonn and everything about his romance.”

Tiger Woods Ex, Elin Nordegren Angry About His Relationship With Lindsey Voon
L -R Elin Nordegren & Lindsey Vonn
Last time I checked with my fine tooth comb Tiger Woods is a grown man who doesn't need permission from an ex that made lots of money off of him. Wait you cant stay with Tiger and you hate who is now. Is Elin Nordegren reacting out of love and for Tiger Woods or what

The source added that Nordegren is “angry Tiger even has visitation rights to the kids.” Woods and Nordegren have two kids – Sam, 5, and Charlie, 4. They divorced in 2010 after the world learned that Tiger wasn’t always at the practice range when he wasn’t home.

What does Woods think about Nordegren's anger? "He doesn't care about her," the source added. If I were Tiger Woods I wouldn't care about her too.
Continue Reading→

Friday, 7 June 2013

10 Effective Ways On How To Marry The Right Person, Relationship Tips, Successful Marriage
This is a nicely written piece about marriage. I think it addressed and stressed on a lot of peculiar issues or mistakes people make while courting or choosing a life partner. Read and apply to your life if you are single and wants to get married. If your are married already this won't help much.

1) Do Not Marry Potential:
Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change.  This is the wrong approach on both accounts.  Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential.  There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them.  These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2) Choose Character over Chemistry:  
While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love.  The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:

Humility:
 The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort.  They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.

Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money?  How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?

Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character.  You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.

Happiness:
 A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have.  They very rarely complain.


3) Do Not Neglect The  Emotional Needs of Your Partner:

Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved.  The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated.  To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs:  Attention, Affection, & Appreciation.  To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs:  Respect, Reassurance, & Relief.

It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive.  When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his intimate desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.

4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans:
In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.

You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about?  Then ask yourself,

“Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”
The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.


5) Avoid Pre-Marital intimate/Physical Activity:
Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.

Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.
Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or intimate commitment.

6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:
There are four questions that you must answer YES to:

Do I respect and admire this person?  What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
Do I trust this person?  Can I rely on them?  Do I trust their judgment?  Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
Do I feel Safe?  Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?  Can I be vulnerable?  Can I be myself?  Can I be open?  Can I express myself?
Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married.  If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety:
Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage.  Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage.  When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions.  Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship.  If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship.  Look for the following things:

Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time.  Know the difference between suggestions and demands.  Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.

Anger issues:  This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc.  You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment.  Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds.  If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away.  Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.

8) Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner:
Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset.  Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?”  It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team.  When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team.  Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds.  How do they handle it?  Are they defensive?  Do they attack?  Do they withdraw?  Do they get annoyed?  Do they blame you?  Do they ignore it?  Do they hide or rationalize it?  Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility:
It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married.  People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married.  If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage.  Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.

10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner: 

Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster.  Also important to consider are the following:

Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside.  These include people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts.  They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them.  Another clear indication about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people should take care of them and they don’t.

They feel burdened by other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them.  These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships.
Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to build a strong emotional relationship.  Never marry an addict.  Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol.  They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc.  When someone has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you!

Additional Points to Consider:

The fact is no one looks 25 forever.  Ultimately, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance.  When we get to know someone we love and admire, we’ll love them for their inner beauty and overall essence.

Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of others, is rude to you, etc.  We don’t stop to ask, “What does all of this mean about their character?”
Never separate someone from their family, background, education, belief system, etc.  Asking clear questions can clarify this.  Ask questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What are your expectations of marriage?”  “How would you help around the house?” Compare your definition with theirs.

Be flexible.  Be open-minded!
Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom.  It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as happy because of your connection with them.
Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone in addition to beauty, money, and health.  The morally upright and spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and hardship.  If someone isn’t God-conscience and doesn’t take themselves into account with God then why should you expect them to fulfill their rights owed to you?

The ideal partner is someone who considers giving a gain and not causing a loss.  Having a mutual and shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage.  Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well.  Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage.

10 Effective Ways On How To Marry The Right Person

Nwabu King  |  at   12:28 pm  |  2 comments

10 Effective Ways On How To Marry The Right Person, Relationship Tips, Successful Marriage
This is a nicely written piece about marriage. I think it addressed and stressed on a lot of peculiar issues or mistakes people make while courting or choosing a life partner. Read and apply to your life if you are single and wants to get married. If your are married already this won't help much.

1) Do Not Marry Potential:
Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change.  This is the wrong approach on both accounts.  Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential.  There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them.  These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2) Choose Character over Chemistry:  
While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love.  The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:

Humility:
 The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort.  They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.

Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money?  How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?

Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character.  You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.

Happiness:
 A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have.  They very rarely complain.


3) Do Not Neglect The  Emotional Needs of Your Partner:

Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved.  The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated.  To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs:  Attention, Affection, & Appreciation.  To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs:  Respect, Reassurance, & Relief.

It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive.  When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his intimate desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.

4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans:
In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.

You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about?  Then ask yourself,

“Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”
The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.


5) Avoid Pre-Marital intimate/Physical Activity:
Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.

Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.
Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or intimate commitment.

6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:
There are four questions that you must answer YES to:

Do I respect and admire this person?  What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
Do I trust this person?  Can I rely on them?  Do I trust their judgment?  Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
Do I feel Safe?  Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?  Can I be vulnerable?  Can I be myself?  Can I be open?  Can I express myself?
Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married.  If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety:
Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage.  Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage.  When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions.  Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship.  If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship.  Look for the following things:

Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time.  Know the difference between suggestions and demands.  Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.

Anger issues:  This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc.  You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment.  Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds.  If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away.  Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.

8) Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner:
Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset.  Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?”  It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team.  When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team.  Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds.  How do they handle it?  Are they defensive?  Do they attack?  Do they withdraw?  Do they get annoyed?  Do they blame you?  Do they ignore it?  Do they hide or rationalize it?  Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility:
It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married.  People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married.  If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage.  Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.

10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner: 

Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster.  Also important to consider are the following:

Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside.  These include people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts.  They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them.  Another clear indication about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people should take care of them and they don’t.

They feel burdened by other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them.  These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships.
Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to build a strong emotional relationship.  Never marry an addict.  Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol.  They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc.  When someone has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you!

Additional Points to Consider:

The fact is no one looks 25 forever.  Ultimately, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance.  When we get to know someone we love and admire, we’ll love them for their inner beauty and overall essence.

Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of others, is rude to you, etc.  We don’t stop to ask, “What does all of this mean about their character?”
Never separate someone from their family, background, education, belief system, etc.  Asking clear questions can clarify this.  Ask questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What are your expectations of marriage?”  “How would you help around the house?” Compare your definition with theirs.

Be flexible.  Be open-minded!
Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom.  It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as happy because of your connection with them.
Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone in addition to beauty, money, and health.  The morally upright and spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and hardship.  If someone isn’t God-conscience and doesn’t take themselves into account with God then why should you expect them to fulfill their rights owed to you?

The ideal partner is someone who considers giving a gain and not causing a loss.  Having a mutual and shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage.  Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well.  Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage.
Continue Reading→

Monday, 3 June 2013


Romantic Crush, Deborah, New Haven
I eloped with nostalgia down memory lane recently and one of the ancient site we visited was New Haven Primary School 1 Enugu. Something about a crush made this place stand out historically.
If I were to make a list of my childhood crushes, the list will be a little longer than Mississippi river. It was that big but the name will remain the same. A name I’ve closely used once ever since. The name is Deborah.

The list would've looked like this
Deborah....
Deborah....
Deborah....
Deborah....
Deborah....

Forgive me Debbie for not remembering your last name. Maybe I was busy feeding my fantasy off her exotic body frame to remember her last name. My fantasy had the appetite of an insatiable voracious black hole swallowing any and everything on its path. She was my romantic crush, crush of all crushes. My favourite past time was to daydream about her.

The fantasy thingy was like second creation for my kiddo brain. Thoughts of her consumed me in a manner parallel to a cow grazing the entire non ocean parts of earth to point of desertification. You can imagine the weight I carried. The never ending long wait I married, such a romantic crushing weight. The wedlock of me and waiting-in-vain was a disaster. I never had enough courage to express myself so I waited like a fowl waiting to grow teeth. I'm sure it would've been an amazing romance had Venus and Cupid not been on vacation.


Debbie was my classmate in primary 4 in New Haven Primary School 1 Enugu. I fell for her the second my brain processed her image. The terrain of my heart was emotionally wet and slippery, little wonder why I fell head over heels for her. She lacked the height of the hills but she stood tall like a mountainHer romantic aura intimidated me, I was an overflowing shyness fountain. Gawd! I was such a shy machine.
She was Brilliant, 1st position in class. I couldn’t grab that position till we moved to different classes. She was Black. She was Bold. She was BEAUTIFUL! She had a sensuous thick lips and a killer smile. Her sculptor fitted her with exceptionally cute dimples that lights up her smile causing my body ACs to malfunction. Her sweetness was my weakness. How can a piece of iron filing like me stand the strong romnantic attraction of a giant magnet like Deborah? How was I supposed to repel that romantic attraction? I was both the predator and perfect prey.

God took a rib from Adam to make Eve, I think he took my entire skeletal system to make Debbie. I was totally caught and crushed up in the rapture of love. Funny how much I loved Anita Baker then though my primary 4 mind never grasped the mature romantic meaning/message of her lyrics. I often tail Debbie home like some invisible CIA agent, shit it was crazy. I did more than a knight in shining amour slaying dragons and ferocious beasts to rescue a damsel trapped in tower like most romantic fairy tale stories.

In a similar case one girl tripped helplessly for me. I wasn’t man enough to show or tell Debbie how I felt but this other girl was boy enough to at least show me her innermost feelings. Unfortunately she had a twin sister and they were perfectly and identically identical. You can’t tell them apart even if they were your own right and left hand. Besides my feeling at that time was faithfully and naturally custom-made for Debbie technically other girls just didn’t exist. Kinda like the early days of Clark and Lana of Smallville.

It’s curiously amazing how this portion of my memory has remained very vivid all these years. It comes in colourful HDTV production quality while the rest is in blurry black and white. I’m just wondering what became of her, who she grew up to be. What and where she is now. I don’t feel like that anymore but I won’t mind meeting her once again. Have you seen her? Tell me have you seen her. If you see her, tell her to give me a call. My number is 1-800-childhood crush.


An Ode To Debbie, My Amazing Romantic Crush

Nwabu King  |  at   6:25 pm  |  2 comments


Romantic Crush, Deborah, New Haven
I eloped with nostalgia down memory lane recently and one of the ancient site we visited was New Haven Primary School 1 Enugu. Something about a crush made this place stand out historically.
If I were to make a list of my childhood crushes, the list will be a little longer than Mississippi river. It was that big but the name will remain the same. A name I’ve closely used once ever since. The name is Deborah.

The list would've looked like this
Deborah....
Deborah....
Deborah....
Deborah....
Deborah....

Forgive me Debbie for not remembering your last name. Maybe I was busy feeding my fantasy off her exotic body frame to remember her last name. My fantasy had the appetite of an insatiable voracious black hole swallowing any and everything on its path. She was my romantic crush, crush of all crushes. My favourite past time was to daydream about her.

The fantasy thingy was like second creation for my kiddo brain. Thoughts of her consumed me in a manner parallel to a cow grazing the entire non ocean parts of earth to point of desertification. You can imagine the weight I carried. The never ending long wait I married, such a romantic crushing weight. The wedlock of me and waiting-in-vain was a disaster. I never had enough courage to express myself so I waited like a fowl waiting to grow teeth. I'm sure it would've been an amazing romance had Venus and Cupid not been on vacation.


Debbie was my classmate in primary 4 in New Haven Primary School 1 Enugu. I fell for her the second my brain processed her image. The terrain of my heart was emotionally wet and slippery, little wonder why I fell head over heels for her. She lacked the height of the hills but she stood tall like a mountainHer romantic aura intimidated me, I was an overflowing shyness fountain. Gawd! I was such a shy machine.
She was Brilliant, 1st position in class. I couldn’t grab that position till we moved to different classes. She was Black. She was Bold. She was BEAUTIFUL! She had a sensuous thick lips and a killer smile. Her sculptor fitted her with exceptionally cute dimples that lights up her smile causing my body ACs to malfunction. Her sweetness was my weakness. How can a piece of iron filing like me stand the strong romnantic attraction of a giant magnet like Deborah? How was I supposed to repel that romantic attraction? I was both the predator and perfect prey.

God took a rib from Adam to make Eve, I think he took my entire skeletal system to make Debbie. I was totally caught and crushed up in the rapture of love. Funny how much I loved Anita Baker then though my primary 4 mind never grasped the mature romantic meaning/message of her lyrics. I often tail Debbie home like some invisible CIA agent, shit it was crazy. I did more than a knight in shining amour slaying dragons and ferocious beasts to rescue a damsel trapped in tower like most romantic fairy tale stories.

In a similar case one girl tripped helplessly for me. I wasn’t man enough to show or tell Debbie how I felt but this other girl was boy enough to at least show me her innermost feelings. Unfortunately she had a twin sister and they were perfectly and identically identical. You can’t tell them apart even if they were your own right and left hand. Besides my feeling at that time was faithfully and naturally custom-made for Debbie technically other girls just didn’t exist. Kinda like the early days of Clark and Lana of Smallville.

It’s curiously amazing how this portion of my memory has remained very vivid all these years. It comes in colourful HDTV production quality while the rest is in blurry black and white. I’m just wondering what became of her, who she grew up to be. What and where she is now. I don’t feel like that anymore but I won’t mind meeting her once again. Have you seen her? Tell me have you seen her. If you see her, tell her to give me a call. My number is 1-800-childhood crush.


Continue Reading→

Monday, 13 May 2013

Relationship: 20 Romantic Ways To Say I Love You
Experts in marriage and relationship agree on the importance of always communicating love to our partners often and in a variety of forms.
"I love you." It's vital these three important words be conveyed regularly and often to keep a relationship healthy and strong. 
Relationship: 20 Romantic Ways To Say I Love You
Throughout the almost 30 years of their marriage, Jim and Carrie Gordon — authors ofThe Intimate Couple and The Romantic Couple websites — have given and received hundreds of love letters and romantic cards to and from each other. Carrie asserts that Jim is a true romantic and has a keen ability to include romantic phrases in the love letters and greeting cards he gives to her. His use of romantic expressions clearly communicates "I love you" to Carrie!
Recently, Carrie sifted through her growing collection of cards and love letters from Jim to compile a list of loving words, romantic phrases and expressions of passion. We're including her partial list here as a cheat sheet for guys to use!
Refer to this handy list of romantic sayings the next time you're looking for a special phrase to personalize a purchased greeting card, add variety to a love letter or email, include in a text, write on a bathroom mirror or use in a note tucked inside a book.
1. You, sweetheart, are my one and only.
2. You take my breath away.
3. Lovingly yours.
4. With you, forever won't be too long.
5. To the world's best wife!
6. When I see you, I think "Good job, God!"
7. You are the love of my life!
8. It's awesome to spend my life with you!
9. Love you, sweetheart!
10. I treasure you.
11. I adore you.
12. Sweetheart, you stir my soul!
13. I'm head over heels for you.
14. I cherish you.
15. You turn me on!
16. Life is incomplete without you.
17. To the one I love:
18. We were made for each other!
19. You're my soulmate and the love of my life. 
20. You're one hot babe!

Relationship: 20 Romantic Ways To Say I Love You

Nwabu King  |  at   6:42 pm  |  No comments

Relationship: 20 Romantic Ways To Say I Love You
Experts in marriage and relationship agree on the importance of always communicating love to our partners often and in a variety of forms.
"I love you." It's vital these three important words be conveyed regularly and often to keep a relationship healthy and strong. 
Relationship: 20 Romantic Ways To Say I Love You
Throughout the almost 30 years of their marriage, Jim and Carrie Gordon — authors ofThe Intimate Couple and The Romantic Couple websites — have given and received hundreds of love letters and romantic cards to and from each other. Carrie asserts that Jim is a true romantic and has a keen ability to include romantic phrases in the love letters and greeting cards he gives to her. His use of romantic expressions clearly communicates "I love you" to Carrie!
Recently, Carrie sifted through her growing collection of cards and love letters from Jim to compile a list of loving words, romantic phrases and expressions of passion. We're including her partial list here as a cheat sheet for guys to use!
Refer to this handy list of romantic sayings the next time you're looking for a special phrase to personalize a purchased greeting card, add variety to a love letter or email, include in a text, write on a bathroom mirror or use in a note tucked inside a book.
1. You, sweetheart, are my one and only.
2. You take my breath away.
3. Lovingly yours.
4. With you, forever won't be too long.
5. To the world's best wife!
6. When I see you, I think "Good job, God!"
7. You are the love of my life!
8. It's awesome to spend my life with you!
9. Love you, sweetheart!
10. I treasure you.
11. I adore you.
12. Sweetheart, you stir my soul!
13. I'm head over heels for you.
14. I cherish you.
15. You turn me on!
16. Life is incomplete without you.
17. To the one I love:
18. We were made for each other!
19. You're my soulmate and the love of my life. 
20. You're one hot babe!
Continue Reading→

Friday, 19 April 2013

6 Things Men Find Difficult To Say To Their Woman
Not all men have the gift of the gab. There are some who are born talkers, and you’ll usually find them selling soap, cars or campaign promises. The other kind—the stoic, prudent, silent type—can be found leading by example, or writing a column in a popular fortnightly supplement for women, or suspect in a number of serial killings, sometimes all three at once!

But whether a salesman, politician, column writer or serial killer, there are certain things that all men find hard to say… 

1. I Love You

This most clichéd of clichés has been thrown around carelessly by teenagers with questionable levels of maturity and guys—also with questionable levels of maturity—just itching to get laid. But really meaning it? It’s the kind of statement that gets our hearts racing, our palms sweating, and our minds wondering: “Will she say it too?”, “Will she just say thank you?”, “Didn’t that happen on Friends?” Ultimately, it’s just blurted out at the unlikeliest of moments, like when India wins the final, he opens his birthday gift and it’s a PS3, or the meal was that good.

2. This Isn't Working Out
This one probably tops the list. Men generally shy away from bringing up relationship issues, especially this quiet relationship killer. The reason doesn’t matter. All that matters is not making a big deal of it. And not letting her cry. It’s a man’s inability to handle tears that makes it the best offence a woman has against him. Men have stayed in relationships for years just out of the fear of having to be the one to initiate a break-up.  

3. That Doesn’t Look Good On You
We’re no experts in the fashion or hair departments, and we’ve never pretended to be. So we’re not quite sure what you mean when you ask us, “Does this suit me?” You’re bound to get a positive answer even if you’re wearing a barrel held in place with suspenders. This is partly because, who knows, maybe that does suit you; and partly because we’re truly afraid of the backlash in the wake of our dissent.

4. I Need Some Space
When you’re in a relationship, it’s expected that you’re supposed to want to spend every waking moment with your better half and every sleeping moment next to her too. But while many agree with the benefits of spending some time apart, no one seems to advertise it very well. While women have found ways of making space for themselves—men rarely realise ‘that time of the month’ comes twice a month—men find it hard to say they just need some alone time, or some time with the boys.

5. I Don't Like Hanging Out With Your Friends
So we’ve taken you out with our friends only to get popcorn in your hair, beer in your lap and the odd splotch of ketchup on your shirt. And then you ask us to join your friends for a more civilised dinner. We shouldn’t have an issue with it. But, sometimes, all we’re looking for is a relaxed night out with familiar faces—which none of your friends seem to have. It’s not that they’re horrible people. It’s just that if we got along, they’d be our friends by now.

6. Yes. You're Right
Handling egos in a relationship is a tough job. And when it’s coupled with an argument, the ship can sway any which way. We’ll admit it: we’re wrong most of the time. But being wrong so often can take its toll on our egos. And that’s probably when we find it hardest to say, “You’re right.” So once in a while, allow us a silent acknowledgement of defeat. It would mean a lot to us.

6 Things Men Find Difficult To Say To Their Woman

Nwabu King  |  at   2:45 am  |  No comments

6 Things Men Find Difficult To Say To Their Woman
Not all men have the gift of the gab. There are some who are born talkers, and you’ll usually find them selling soap, cars or campaign promises. The other kind—the stoic, prudent, silent type—can be found leading by example, or writing a column in a popular fortnightly supplement for women, or suspect in a number of serial killings, sometimes all three at once!

But whether a salesman, politician, column writer or serial killer, there are certain things that all men find hard to say… 

1. I Love You

This most clichéd of clichés has been thrown around carelessly by teenagers with questionable levels of maturity and guys—also with questionable levels of maturity—just itching to get laid. But really meaning it? It’s the kind of statement that gets our hearts racing, our palms sweating, and our minds wondering: “Will she say it too?”, “Will she just say thank you?”, “Didn’t that happen on Friends?” Ultimately, it’s just blurted out at the unlikeliest of moments, like when India wins the final, he opens his birthday gift and it’s a PS3, or the meal was that good.

2. This Isn't Working Out
This one probably tops the list. Men generally shy away from bringing up relationship issues, especially this quiet relationship killer. The reason doesn’t matter. All that matters is not making a big deal of it. And not letting her cry. It’s a man’s inability to handle tears that makes it the best offence a woman has against him. Men have stayed in relationships for years just out of the fear of having to be the one to initiate a break-up.  

3. That Doesn’t Look Good On You
We’re no experts in the fashion or hair departments, and we’ve never pretended to be. So we’re not quite sure what you mean when you ask us, “Does this suit me?” You’re bound to get a positive answer even if you’re wearing a barrel held in place with suspenders. This is partly because, who knows, maybe that does suit you; and partly because we’re truly afraid of the backlash in the wake of our dissent.

4. I Need Some Space
When you’re in a relationship, it’s expected that you’re supposed to want to spend every waking moment with your better half and every sleeping moment next to her too. But while many agree with the benefits of spending some time apart, no one seems to advertise it very well. While women have found ways of making space for themselves—men rarely realise ‘that time of the month’ comes twice a month—men find it hard to say they just need some alone time, or some time with the boys.

5. I Don't Like Hanging Out With Your Friends
So we’ve taken you out with our friends only to get popcorn in your hair, beer in your lap and the odd splotch of ketchup on your shirt. And then you ask us to join your friends for a more civilised dinner. We shouldn’t have an issue with it. But, sometimes, all we’re looking for is a relaxed night out with familiar faces—which none of your friends seem to have. It’s not that they’re horrible people. It’s just that if we got along, they’d be our friends by now.

6. Yes. You're Right
Handling egos in a relationship is a tough job. And when it’s coupled with an argument, the ship can sway any which way. We’ll admit it: we’re wrong most of the time. But being wrong so often can take its toll on our egos. And that’s probably when we find it hardest to say, “You’re right.” So once in a while, allow us a silent acknowledgement of defeat. It would mean a lot to us.
Continue Reading→

Friday, 15 March 2013



Monday March 4 2013
I woke up on Cherrie's bed. Yes you heard me. More like I woke up on Cherrie's bossom. What happened?! I went there like a lion and came out like a kitten. This thing called heart is a complicated sophisticated unpredictable incredible organ that pumps blood and emotions. Effective communications is essential for any healthy relationship. I went home showered and left for work. I neither read my devotional nor prayed.

Today's work was just going from one office to another, one bank to another, one shopping center to another, etc. I hardly stayed in the office. Also my boss hired a new driver, today was his first day on the job. He was chauffering me about. We went to Jubaili Bros to drop a cheque. He parked outside and I went inside. Earlier he complained that his phone is dead and needs some juice to power on. By the time I was attended to, after all the procedural bottle necks, I came out and he was nowhere to be found. Is this a joke? If it is, it sure ain’t funny at all.

Now my mind is getting crazy creative with possible scenarios. Did he runaway with the car? No he didnt. I let him buy fuel on his own unaccompanied. If that was his plan he coulda done it then. Maybe he went back to the office. My mind was churning out questions, possibilities, scenarios, etc at the speed that will make light jealous. I check all the car park but there was no trace of him. I have to let my boss know, so I did. I went on to finish my task on my own now. I got back to the office still no sign of him. My main concern was my lunch. I left it in the car that has gone technically missing. Im so hungry. Dont blame me.

He later called my boss and myself. I answered both calls and told him to come straight to the office. What happened was that the security at the premises asked him to park in certain area unknown to me. He has been there waiting for me to come out. His phone was dead, I couldnt reach him. He called from a call center eventually. He came back to the office, I ate my food and left office. I didnt go to school again. I went straight home. I still haven’t written letter, what the hell is wrong with me?

Got home in anticipation of seeing Cherrie one last time before she leaves. She has changed her travel date three times now, I wonder. Ibe left the house a few minutes after I came in. Its as if they leave the house for me  once I enter during the day. What gives? I called Cherrie, she said she is on her way but feels tired. She came by after a long while. She came with an act. A very poor acting on her part if you ask me. She said she is so tired and she is feeling sleepy. I didnt say anything I just ignored everything like it was nothing. We went back to her place and the person pretending to be falling asleep at my place didn’t sleep again. I went back home. Truth is Im glad she is leaving. I slept afterwards.

Monday March 4 2013

Nwabu King  |  at   3:58 pm  |  No comments



Monday March 4 2013
I woke up on Cherrie's bed. Yes you heard me. More like I woke up on Cherrie's bossom. What happened?! I went there like a lion and came out like a kitten. This thing called heart is a complicated sophisticated unpredictable incredible organ that pumps blood and emotions. Effective communications is essential for any healthy relationship. I went home showered and left for work. I neither read my devotional nor prayed.

Today's work was just going from one office to another, one bank to another, one shopping center to another, etc. I hardly stayed in the office. Also my boss hired a new driver, today was his first day on the job. He was chauffering me about. We went to Jubaili Bros to drop a cheque. He parked outside and I went inside. Earlier he complained that his phone is dead and needs some juice to power on. By the time I was attended to, after all the procedural bottle necks, I came out and he was nowhere to be found. Is this a joke? If it is, it sure ain’t funny at all.

Now my mind is getting crazy creative with possible scenarios. Did he runaway with the car? No he didnt. I let him buy fuel on his own unaccompanied. If that was his plan he coulda done it then. Maybe he went back to the office. My mind was churning out questions, possibilities, scenarios, etc at the speed that will make light jealous. I check all the car park but there was no trace of him. I have to let my boss know, so I did. I went on to finish my task on my own now. I got back to the office still no sign of him. My main concern was my lunch. I left it in the car that has gone technically missing. Im so hungry. Dont blame me.

He later called my boss and myself. I answered both calls and told him to come straight to the office. What happened was that the security at the premises asked him to park in certain area unknown to me. He has been there waiting for me to come out. His phone was dead, I couldnt reach him. He called from a call center eventually. He came back to the office, I ate my food and left office. I didnt go to school again. I went straight home. I still haven’t written letter, what the hell is wrong with me?

Got home in anticipation of seeing Cherrie one last time before she leaves. She has changed her travel date three times now, I wonder. Ibe left the house a few minutes after I came in. Its as if they leave the house for me  once I enter during the day. What gives? I called Cherrie, she said she is on her way but feels tired. She came by after a long while. She came with an act. A very poor acting on her part if you ask me. She said she is so tired and she is feeling sleepy. I didnt say anything I just ignored everything like it was nothing. We went back to her place and the person pretending to be falling asleep at my place didn’t sleep again. I went back home. Truth is Im glad she is leaving. I slept afterwards.
Continue Reading→


Dear Diary: Sunday March 3 2013
Im up like 3:43am. I lazed about on the bed till morning. Ibe left early in the morning to God-knows-where. I started writing my appeal letter to my school coordinator. I planned going to MBA school Yaba to get a sample of correct format of addressing the letter, I dint want to call anybody. I dressed up much later and left for church.

I got to the church and decided to polish my shoe with the abokis near the church premises. But it took a helluva time for him to finish. Dont know if he was making a new shoe for me from the scratch. I asked him to apply gum to the flaking part of the sole, I guess he applied gum all over the sole. My body had to wait patiently outside while my mind worshipped inside via the church speaker blaring outside. The long wait eventually ended.

Today's service was both anointing and thanks giving service. It was wonderful. I left for Yaba. The heat is scary. No trace of the rain that fell last nite anywhere. I got what I went for at Yaba. I bought sports shorts from Yaba and left Yaba. Next port of call was Shoprite. I wanted to buy my favourite seafood paella rice. It wasnt ready so my man on the inside said I should wait like twenty minutes. So I strolled towards the window of Gems shop in The Palms. In all the times I've been to The Palms, never bothered to look at the price tags of the jewelries on display. I checked the earrings and saw 9900 and I thought it was 99000. Then I was like N9900 is a fair price for those earrings. Then I saw it. I saw the currency sign $! The pair of earrings is freaking $9900!!

I really hate with destructive passion when price of items in Nigeria are dominated in a foreign currency. If Im the law, I would've outlawed it with a scary stiff penalty for defaulters. Ok now its more than twenty minutes, let me go check my food mehn and get the hell outta here. I figured my idle suspicious presence out the window of the gem shop aroused the curiosity of their security. I laugh!! I went back to Shoprite waited a little while and my order was served by my guy, I paid and left. Ceaser called me to remind me about our Sunday evening football game, I told him I wanst sure I'll make it. I ate the at our office and went home with the state of mind of going to play ball. I called Ceaser and he has changed about the game, he is taking a nap instead.

I rested a few minutes. Then I soaked some clothes to wash. Immediately I finished soaking the clothes PHCN took light. I wasn’t about to be discouraged by that you know. I lit up my spare phone and used the light like a hunter tied to my head. After washing I showered and went to Cherrie's place to tell her the good news that she is no longer needed in my life. I was fuming a little. She wasnt around, I waited till she came and the rest was an awkward history. I tried to project calm and nice me regardless of the exact opposite feelings suffocate me within. She took a nutty picture of me yesterday before she humongous annoyance she made me feel. Though I wouldnt want her to have such pix even if she didnt piss me off.

I asked her to delete not that I couldnt have deleted it myself. I just wanted her to respect my wishes and do it herself. So I asked her nicely while holding her phone if she has deleted it? And she flipped. It was so unbelievable to me. She struggled for her phone with me, I eventually let her have it. Then she goes ''If not deleting the picture will cause quarrel that she wont delete it. If its the only reason I came to see her she wont delete it'' For the first time I saw a very stubborn obstinate vixen, and it saddened me greatly. Was I stupid for believing she will reason with me and delete it? I coulda deleted it quietly when I took her phone without letting her but still I asked if she had removed it. She was like ''Its her phone she can do whatever the hell she damn well pleases with it'' I said you forget its my picture. I thought for a moment and decided to let her have her way. I told her Im leaving and she can do whatever she wants with the picture I dont give a damn anymore.

I stood up to leave and she barricaded the doorway. Thank God Im not hot tempered otherwise I woulda smacked her outta my way like pesky fly. Suddenly she wants to dialogue. Seriously?! That mad stubborn obstinate vixen has made a royal way for a loyal lamb. She asked for five minutes, I later agreed to five minutes only. When the proverbial five minutes prolonged indefinitely, I didnt know. She said alot things. Some of them were true. Some made sense to me, some didnt. Some touched me deeply and made me feel guilty.

Our problem was deeply rooted in miscommunication. Then she started crying. Tears, provided they are not crocodile tears when shed for the right reason always leaves me unimaginably weak. I had to cuddle her and talk to her. Apologies. Apologies. It flew back and forth. Now she's asking me to stay the night. Look at me, looking at turnout of events. I didnt tell her its over like I planned but through out talks we have accepted it calmly. She will travel to east to school of course. To cut the long story short I slept there. Yeah there was a lota smooching but no sex. Man proposes, God laughs and disposes. Who woulda thought it will end like this.

Dear Diary: Sunday March 3 2013

Nwabu King  |  at   3:41 pm  |  No comments


Dear Diary: Sunday March 3 2013
Im up like 3:43am. I lazed about on the bed till morning. Ibe left early in the morning to God-knows-where. I started writing my appeal letter to my school coordinator. I planned going to MBA school Yaba to get a sample of correct format of addressing the letter, I dint want to call anybody. I dressed up much later and left for church.

I got to the church and decided to polish my shoe with the abokis near the church premises. But it took a helluva time for him to finish. Dont know if he was making a new shoe for me from the scratch. I asked him to apply gum to the flaking part of the sole, I guess he applied gum all over the sole. My body had to wait patiently outside while my mind worshipped inside via the church speaker blaring outside. The long wait eventually ended.

Today's service was both anointing and thanks giving service. It was wonderful. I left for Yaba. The heat is scary. No trace of the rain that fell last nite anywhere. I got what I went for at Yaba. I bought sports shorts from Yaba and left Yaba. Next port of call was Shoprite. I wanted to buy my favourite seafood paella rice. It wasnt ready so my man on the inside said I should wait like twenty minutes. So I strolled towards the window of Gems shop in The Palms. In all the times I've been to The Palms, never bothered to look at the price tags of the jewelries on display. I checked the earrings and saw 9900 and I thought it was 99000. Then I was like N9900 is a fair price for those earrings. Then I saw it. I saw the currency sign $! The pair of earrings is freaking $9900!!

I really hate with destructive passion when price of items in Nigeria are dominated in a foreign currency. If Im the law, I would've outlawed it with a scary stiff penalty for defaulters. Ok now its more than twenty minutes, let me go check my food mehn and get the hell outta here. I figured my idle suspicious presence out the window of the gem shop aroused the curiosity of their security. I laugh!! I went back to Shoprite waited a little while and my order was served by my guy, I paid and left. Ceaser called me to remind me about our Sunday evening football game, I told him I wanst sure I'll make it. I ate the at our office and went home with the state of mind of going to play ball. I called Ceaser and he has changed about the game, he is taking a nap instead.

I rested a few minutes. Then I soaked some clothes to wash. Immediately I finished soaking the clothes PHCN took light. I wasn’t about to be discouraged by that you know. I lit up my spare phone and used the light like a hunter tied to my head. After washing I showered and went to Cherrie's place to tell her the good news that she is no longer needed in my life. I was fuming a little. She wasnt around, I waited till she came and the rest was an awkward history. I tried to project calm and nice me regardless of the exact opposite feelings suffocate me within. She took a nutty picture of me yesterday before she humongous annoyance she made me feel. Though I wouldnt want her to have such pix even if she didnt piss me off.

I asked her to delete not that I couldnt have deleted it myself. I just wanted her to respect my wishes and do it herself. So I asked her nicely while holding her phone if she has deleted it? And she flipped. It was so unbelievable to me. She struggled for her phone with me, I eventually let her have it. Then she goes ''If not deleting the picture will cause quarrel that she wont delete it. If its the only reason I came to see her she wont delete it'' For the first time I saw a very stubborn obstinate vixen, and it saddened me greatly. Was I stupid for believing she will reason with me and delete it? I coulda deleted it quietly when I took her phone without letting her but still I asked if she had removed it. She was like ''Its her phone she can do whatever the hell she damn well pleases with it'' I said you forget its my picture. I thought for a moment and decided to let her have her way. I told her Im leaving and she can do whatever she wants with the picture I dont give a damn anymore.

I stood up to leave and she barricaded the doorway. Thank God Im not hot tempered otherwise I woulda smacked her outta my way like pesky fly. Suddenly she wants to dialogue. Seriously?! That mad stubborn obstinate vixen has made a royal way for a loyal lamb. She asked for five minutes, I later agreed to five minutes only. When the proverbial five minutes prolonged indefinitely, I didnt know. She said alot things. Some of them were true. Some made sense to me, some didnt. Some touched me deeply and made me feel guilty.

Our problem was deeply rooted in miscommunication. Then she started crying. Tears, provided they are not crocodile tears when shed for the right reason always leaves me unimaginably weak. I had to cuddle her and talk to her. Apologies. Apologies. It flew back and forth. Now she's asking me to stay the night. Look at me, looking at turnout of events. I didnt tell her its over like I planned but through out talks we have accepted it calmly. She will travel to east to school of course. To cut the long story short I slept there. Yeah there was a lota smooching but no sex. Man proposes, God laughs and disposes. Who woulda thought it will end like this.
Continue Reading→



I jogged this morning, it’s been a long while. Contrary to my fears I didnt get tired easily but I took it easy. I read my devotional after I showered. I relaxed a bit then went over to Ceaser's. There I had my breakfast which was yam and egg. We played drought and he beat me three times. He has been practicing with some bad players like he's going for a competition. The result was expected. Its so hot inside and equally hot outside. There's breeze outside but it blows mostly hot air. I came back home and slept real good. Mehn it was so energizing. Thank God for sleep. I woke up in the evening. Ibe and his wife went out to God-knows-where.

I called Cherrie to come around. She came much later. We talked about this and that. Then she started with her whining, complaining, too much attention seeking attitude. Going on and on about her observation and the mountain she expected from me and how she is getting a tree stump like she is perfect without flaws. She has flaws, I dont dwell on it. I have observed she keeps malice and is vengeful. She didnt meet my expectation too. She ended up annoying me to the roots of my being. Scopium has had enough. I have had enough. Me, myself and I have had enough. This bad rubbish is getting a good riddance from me for good. In the middle of the arguments she stormed to the door that she is leaving, I didnt bother stopping her and she was like ''so you are letting me go?'' In my mind I was like ''you freaking think I'm gonna beg you? Not today girl'' I've really had it with you.

I have never met a personality like hers before, frankly I dont need such unnecessary difficulty. Later she said she was leaving. This time she announced it unlike storming to the door, I said okay. It was a few minutes after nine, I didnt see her off. Im closing this chapter, woe betide who dares open it. Ibe and his wife came back a few minutes later just before the rain started to fall. The rain was on my side cuz it washed away any trace of her in my life.

Dear Diary: Saturday March 2 2013

Nwabu King  |  at   2:53 pm  |  No comments



I jogged this morning, it’s been a long while. Contrary to my fears I didnt get tired easily but I took it easy. I read my devotional after I showered. I relaxed a bit then went over to Ceaser's. There I had my breakfast which was yam and egg. We played drought and he beat me three times. He has been practicing with some bad players like he's going for a competition. The result was expected. Its so hot inside and equally hot outside. There's breeze outside but it blows mostly hot air. I came back home and slept real good. Mehn it was so energizing. Thank God for sleep. I woke up in the evening. Ibe and his wife went out to God-knows-where.

I called Cherrie to come around. She came much later. We talked about this and that. Then she started with her whining, complaining, too much attention seeking attitude. Going on and on about her observation and the mountain she expected from me and how she is getting a tree stump like she is perfect without flaws. She has flaws, I dont dwell on it. I have observed she keeps malice and is vengeful. She didnt meet my expectation too. She ended up annoying me to the roots of my being. Scopium has had enough. I have had enough. Me, myself and I have had enough. This bad rubbish is getting a good riddance from me for good. In the middle of the arguments she stormed to the door that she is leaving, I didnt bother stopping her and she was like ''so you are letting me go?'' In my mind I was like ''you freaking think I'm gonna beg you? Not today girl'' I've really had it with you.

I have never met a personality like hers before, frankly I dont need such unnecessary difficulty. Later she said she was leaving. This time she announced it unlike storming to the door, I said okay. It was a few minutes after nine, I didnt see her off. Im closing this chapter, woe betide who dares open it. Ibe and his wife came back a few minutes later just before the rain started to fall. The rain was on my side cuz it washed away any trace of her in my life.
Continue Reading→

Thursday, 14 March 2013


I wish this was a fiction but it isn’t. I can’t vividly put everything on paper, I’ll try to make it short. I’m a single Nigerian man trying to make a decent living in the hustle and hustle chaos of Lagos like most people. I stay alone in a room self-contained apartment somewhere in the Lekki corridor. Those who know Lekki can agree with me it’s plagued with unreasonably astronomical rent. One day out of the blue my childhood friend called. He is in Lagos with the family somewhere around Ikotun. I promptly cleared my calendar and paid them a visit.

A week or few days later he told me they will be traveling back to the east on the next Saturday. But since their engagement was in Victoria Island and it demands they be in the office as early as possible on Friday, they requested to stay with me which instantly accepted without giving it a thought. Of course I dint have to. I 'm not married and live alone. I was simply lending a helping hand to a friend. So the simple plan was to come to my place on Tuesday, do their thing in V/I on Friday and then travel back to the east on Saturday. Roughly 5 DAYS stay. Very simple you would say. The month was March. To be precise, it was MARCH 2012. The shocker is that they are still in my place. And this is MARCH 2013! A 5 days stay turned to a 365 days stay yet, the end is not in sight!

Imagine Mr. IN, Mrs. AN and two little niggling kids (girls) living with a single Nigerian man like me in one room. That’s 5 people in one room. The last girl still wears pampers. The wife took the kid back to east sometime in February this year. The main issue is that their lifestyle is polar opposite of mine. I’m the kinda person that can give you a clear precise direction from another galaxy in space on where to get a needle from any corner in my room. In other words I’m very organized. I'm very neat and clean. These people are they exact opposite. It annoys me when things are scattered and untidy. I cook as a bonus. Single Nigerian ladies take note.

That's not my room but you get the picture
They turned the room upside down. They “junglefied” the room effortlessly. In one month the room has seriously aged more than it did in my 3 years stay in it. They damage and litter everywhere and by default blame the kids who can’t defend themselves, most times the kids are not the culprit. I kept fixing things, they will never fix a pin. They will pile the trash up like a messy miniature Egyptian pyramid. At a point I had to wash every inch of the walls by myself in their presence. They should try a healthy lifestyle for the sake of their kids at least.

The guy can’t even wash his handkerchief unless the wife washes them. The moment they open their eyes in the morning, they make a fast bee line to the TV, both papa and mama and even the kids. I know family entertainment is very good for family bonding but does it warrant watching TV with the kids till 2:00am sometimes? I’m like what are you teaching these kids? I advised them over and over to have a timetable for the kids, latest by 9:00pm the kids should be in bed. It fell on deaf stone ears. All I hear is; “the kids don’t sleep on time.” I’m like how can they sleep when you have initiated their body system into your wake keeping style television watching habit from dusk to dawn.


I'm not a relationship guide expert but it's glaring that they need a little relationship guide. They quarreled and fought like crazy initially over really retarded reasons often orchestrated by the guy. At first I try to separate them but they are dedicated to the violence so I stopped bothering myself. Una go tire na. Whenever they go WrestleMania I just shield the kids from their parents menace. They pack a lot of nasty dirty habits that really irritate, disgust and annoy me. They are filth-friendly. It's as if a healthy lifestyle is unappealing to them. I just ignored and endured all this. I think they need marriage advice. You can say by association with them I'm not a single Nigerian man any more.

I have seen many moons, I’m yet to see a mind that works in a warped fashion as Ibe’s. He can attach a simple act of placing a pencil on the table to the events of cold war era of 1947 and further to a future colder war. He is one helluva paranoid, delusional, complex stricken homo sapien.


He is legendary with skill of reading a person’s mind, motive, thoughts, body language you name it, no problem with that. But he is a total failure at the results he gets from his readings. The worst part is how strongly he will believe he is right based on his highly delusional postulation. It’s mesmerizingly amazing. It used to disturb me when he makes these psycho assumptions but now it just amuses me like a good cartoon. Like Gaara told Naruto in the anime; “Uzumaki Naruto, you are really good at amusing me!”

He’s richly endowed with a brittle mouth that is always so hasty to spew some irrational things. At slightest tiff with his wife he will layer very unfathomable deep curses on his wife and he expects to prosper after cursing himself, since he is now one with his wife. I wonder what actually goes on in his heart. The bible clarifies it in Luke 6:45 which says;

"A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh."

In all honestly, when his demons are heavily sedated, he can exhibit a good nature. He thinks or cares about others, he's willing to share whatever he has, he can try to motivate you, etc. Still he is a jerk. His jerk part casts a very extensive nasty shadow. Somebody who knew him well from the village said he can really be a humongous jerk. I didn’t know all this side of him.

Now the wife is a hardworking woman. She doesn’t always agree with all her husband’s actions and utterances. She has her own excess baggage too. The most friction we experience is generated by him.

One thing I have always been very genuinely and deeply grateful to this couple for is food. As a single guy I can assure you cooking can be stressful most times, that has been lifted off my shoulder and they combining resources can whip up something when you least expect it. But I’m finicky with food so I don’t always enjoy or eat what is cooked. It may not be the best healthy foods but I'm always grateful and appreciate the gesture. I buy foodstuffs and drop money occasionally especially when they ask me for it.


I’m not saying I’m a perfect being. I’m not. I give people benefit of the doubt till there's no more doubt left to give. Please I beg you for my sake disregard the saying; "Show me your friend and I'll tell you who you are." That saying is seriously flawed in this situation. I'm nothing like this guy and will never be!

I often ask God why He is putting me through this trial. But I know God’s purpose will make me triumph at the end of the trials and tribulation. I did what I did because it’s the heart and kind of person God made me. I’m not doing it so that this guy will reward me. God will reward me. If he decides appreciate what I did, that’s a bonus. If he doesn’t, I won’t hold it against him. But history and posterity will bear witness to my deed.

I'm a single Nigerian man but I live the life of a married man. My privacy is dead and rotten. My friends don’t visit me anymore. Shame severely shrinks my self-esteem anytime a select few attempt to visit me because of the new signature of my room, signature of grime rebranded aesthetic. My girl then said over her dead body will she visit me provided they still stay with me all thanks to his jerk behaviour. That was how that relationship died a natural death somehow. She even told me like a prophetess; "Mark my words the help you are giving will end in a fall-out. It usually does and the people will never remember the sacrifice you made to shelter them." How naive I was, I didn't believe a word she said. What have I not seen from them?

In his delusion, this guy had the effrontery to accuse me of having an affair with his wife. Saying I find it very insulting is an unforgiveable understatement. If he strongly feels that way why does he still pollute the peace of my place with his presence?

Trouble ballooned when I started frowning at or addressing their excesses. For nine months I let them have a field day. On December ending of 2012 I asked them to find a place that I cannot ignore and endure anymore and to my greatest surprise, the guy confronted me on that. He challenged me as if I’m breaching the agreement we had to live together.

Telling me “….so you want to kick us out? Me and my family will wait for you and the police or army you will call to kick us out”

I took it calmly like my usual self. I can really be calm on the surface but tsunami underneath. All I said to him was “…this is why people don’t do good deeds.” I initially gave them till end of January to leave and the guy threw tantrum again. Later he apologized for the tantrum that he was being a jerk. They said they are looking for an accommodation but it doesn’t look it to me. The man bragged that money ain’t a problem, matter fact they’ll leave before January ending. Two after those were said, they are still at my place. I don’t mock their situation, I pray for them. I don’t hate them but I deeply and unapologetically hate their lifestyle. The should get a lifestyle facelift. I’m just watching, not talking anymore. Their lifestyle can impact negatively on a weak minded single man to decide not marry again if this is what marriage will be like.

My uncle once said something that shocked me because of how true his words of wisdom were. This was before they even came. He said; ”People of our family love to help people but we do it to a point that it really hurts us and we keep doing it.” When I reflect on that comment I shudder. Every and anybody I tell this just wants me to kick them out by fire by force except two people. I don’t know why I’m still holding back hoping somehow a happy ending will emerge.

In your opinion, if you were me what would you do?

What To Do When The Help You Gave Is Giving You Hell?

Nwabu King  |  at   6:56 pm  |  2 comments


I wish this was a fiction but it isn’t. I can’t vividly put everything on paper, I’ll try to make it short. I’m a single Nigerian man trying to make a decent living in the hustle and hustle chaos of Lagos like most people. I stay alone in a room self-contained apartment somewhere in the Lekki corridor. Those who know Lekki can agree with me it’s plagued with unreasonably astronomical rent. One day out of the blue my childhood friend called. He is in Lagos with the family somewhere around Ikotun. I promptly cleared my calendar and paid them a visit.

A week or few days later he told me they will be traveling back to the east on the next Saturday. But since their engagement was in Victoria Island and it demands they be in the office as early as possible on Friday, they requested to stay with me which instantly accepted without giving it a thought. Of course I dint have to. I 'm not married and live alone. I was simply lending a helping hand to a friend. So the simple plan was to come to my place on Tuesday, do their thing in V/I on Friday and then travel back to the east on Saturday. Roughly 5 DAYS stay. Very simple you would say. The month was March. To be precise, it was MARCH 2012. The shocker is that they are still in my place. And this is MARCH 2013! A 5 days stay turned to a 365 days stay yet, the end is not in sight!

Imagine Mr. IN, Mrs. AN and two little niggling kids (girls) living with a single Nigerian man like me in one room. That’s 5 people in one room. The last girl still wears pampers. The wife took the kid back to east sometime in February this year. The main issue is that their lifestyle is polar opposite of mine. I’m the kinda person that can give you a clear precise direction from another galaxy in space on where to get a needle from any corner in my room. In other words I’m very organized. I'm very neat and clean. These people are they exact opposite. It annoys me when things are scattered and untidy. I cook as a bonus. Single Nigerian ladies take note.

That's not my room but you get the picture
They turned the room upside down. They “junglefied” the room effortlessly. In one month the room has seriously aged more than it did in my 3 years stay in it. They damage and litter everywhere and by default blame the kids who can’t defend themselves, most times the kids are not the culprit. I kept fixing things, they will never fix a pin. They will pile the trash up like a messy miniature Egyptian pyramid. At a point I had to wash every inch of the walls by myself in their presence. They should try a healthy lifestyle for the sake of their kids at least.

The guy can’t even wash his handkerchief unless the wife washes them. The moment they open their eyes in the morning, they make a fast bee line to the TV, both papa and mama and even the kids. I know family entertainment is very good for family bonding but does it warrant watching TV with the kids till 2:00am sometimes? I’m like what are you teaching these kids? I advised them over and over to have a timetable for the kids, latest by 9:00pm the kids should be in bed. It fell on deaf stone ears. All I hear is; “the kids don’t sleep on time.” I’m like how can they sleep when you have initiated their body system into your wake keeping style television watching habit from dusk to dawn.


I'm not a relationship guide expert but it's glaring that they need a little relationship guide. They quarreled and fought like crazy initially over really retarded reasons often orchestrated by the guy. At first I try to separate them but they are dedicated to the violence so I stopped bothering myself. Una go tire na. Whenever they go WrestleMania I just shield the kids from their parents menace. They pack a lot of nasty dirty habits that really irritate, disgust and annoy me. They are filth-friendly. It's as if a healthy lifestyle is unappealing to them. I just ignored and endured all this. I think they need marriage advice. You can say by association with them I'm not a single Nigerian man any more.

I have seen many moons, I’m yet to see a mind that works in a warped fashion as Ibe’s. He can attach a simple act of placing a pencil on the table to the events of cold war era of 1947 and further to a future colder war. He is one helluva paranoid, delusional, complex stricken homo sapien.


He is legendary with skill of reading a person’s mind, motive, thoughts, body language you name it, no problem with that. But he is a total failure at the results he gets from his readings. The worst part is how strongly he will believe he is right based on his highly delusional postulation. It’s mesmerizingly amazing. It used to disturb me when he makes these psycho assumptions but now it just amuses me like a good cartoon. Like Gaara told Naruto in the anime; “Uzumaki Naruto, you are really good at amusing me!”

He’s richly endowed with a brittle mouth that is always so hasty to spew some irrational things. At slightest tiff with his wife he will layer very unfathomable deep curses on his wife and he expects to prosper after cursing himself, since he is now one with his wife. I wonder what actually goes on in his heart. The bible clarifies it in Luke 6:45 which says;

"A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh."

In all honestly, when his demons are heavily sedated, he can exhibit a good nature. He thinks or cares about others, he's willing to share whatever he has, he can try to motivate you, etc. Still he is a jerk. His jerk part casts a very extensive nasty shadow. Somebody who knew him well from the village said he can really be a humongous jerk. I didn’t know all this side of him.

Now the wife is a hardworking woman. She doesn’t always agree with all her husband’s actions and utterances. She has her own excess baggage too. The most friction we experience is generated by him.

One thing I have always been very genuinely and deeply grateful to this couple for is food. As a single guy I can assure you cooking can be stressful most times, that has been lifted off my shoulder and they combining resources can whip up something when you least expect it. But I’m finicky with food so I don’t always enjoy or eat what is cooked. It may not be the best healthy foods but I'm always grateful and appreciate the gesture. I buy foodstuffs and drop money occasionally especially when they ask me for it.


I’m not saying I’m a perfect being. I’m not. I give people benefit of the doubt till there's no more doubt left to give. Please I beg you for my sake disregard the saying; "Show me your friend and I'll tell you who you are." That saying is seriously flawed in this situation. I'm nothing like this guy and will never be!

I often ask God why He is putting me through this trial. But I know God’s purpose will make me triumph at the end of the trials and tribulation. I did what I did because it’s the heart and kind of person God made me. I’m not doing it so that this guy will reward me. God will reward me. If he decides appreciate what I did, that’s a bonus. If he doesn’t, I won’t hold it against him. But history and posterity will bear witness to my deed.

I'm a single Nigerian man but I live the life of a married man. My privacy is dead and rotten. My friends don’t visit me anymore. Shame severely shrinks my self-esteem anytime a select few attempt to visit me because of the new signature of my room, signature of grime rebranded aesthetic. My girl then said over her dead body will she visit me provided they still stay with me all thanks to his jerk behaviour. That was how that relationship died a natural death somehow. She even told me like a prophetess; "Mark my words the help you are giving will end in a fall-out. It usually does and the people will never remember the sacrifice you made to shelter them." How naive I was, I didn't believe a word she said. What have I not seen from them?

In his delusion, this guy had the effrontery to accuse me of having an affair with his wife. Saying I find it very insulting is an unforgiveable understatement. If he strongly feels that way why does he still pollute the peace of my place with his presence?

Trouble ballooned when I started frowning at or addressing their excesses. For nine months I let them have a field day. On December ending of 2012 I asked them to find a place that I cannot ignore and endure anymore and to my greatest surprise, the guy confronted me on that. He challenged me as if I’m breaching the agreement we had to live together.

Telling me “….so you want to kick us out? Me and my family will wait for you and the police or army you will call to kick us out”

I took it calmly like my usual self. I can really be calm on the surface but tsunami underneath. All I said to him was “…this is why people don’t do good deeds.” I initially gave them till end of January to leave and the guy threw tantrum again. Later he apologized for the tantrum that he was being a jerk. They said they are looking for an accommodation but it doesn’t look it to me. The man bragged that money ain’t a problem, matter fact they’ll leave before January ending. Two after those were said, they are still at my place. I don’t mock their situation, I pray for them. I don’t hate them but I deeply and unapologetically hate their lifestyle. The should get a lifestyle facelift. I’m just watching, not talking anymore. Their lifestyle can impact negatively on a weak minded single man to decide not marry again if this is what marriage will be like.

My uncle once said something that shocked me because of how true his words of wisdom were. This was before they even came. He said; ”People of our family love to help people but we do it to a point that it really hurts us and we keep doing it.” When I reflect on that comment I shudder. Every and anybody I tell this just wants me to kick them out by fire by force except two people. I don’t know why I’m still holding back hoping somehow a happy ending will emerge.

In your opinion, if you were me what would you do?
Continue Reading→

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