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Friday, 5 July 2013

Best Time To Look For Best Accommodation In Lagos During Rainy Season
I just want to share one very valuable tip on when you want to rent an apartment in Lagos so that you don’t painfully regret it.

First of all, let’s have a little introduction to the entity Lagos. Lagos State is the former capital of Nigeria. Lagos is the land of opportunity. It is the legendary Timbuktu of Nigeria. A place one must see before meeting the maker. As a kid when Lagos was the capital of Nigeria till now, there has been this mentality that people literally pick money on the streets of Lagos. If you can’t make it anywhere in Nigeria, you can always make it in Lagos the center of excellence. This mentality of Nigerians and non-Nigerians alike causes a tremendous inflow of all manner, shades and colour of people in droves into Lagos even when they don’t have any form of accommodation. Many claim to be indigenes even when they can’t speak yoruba, you can’t differentiate who the real Lagosians are.

What happens is that, the sudden population explosion in Lagos incredibly outpaces rate of growth & development and utilization of available resource. Jobs are not enough, transportation, infrastructure, healthcare, education, housing, etc. can no longer match demand. This is where daily living stops and daily hustle starts. Those American artists who sing/rap about hustling will be greatly humbled when they experience hustle the Eko style. Eko o ni baje o lol!

The Problem Of Accommodation In Lagos
This brings me to the problem of renting a residential apartment in Lagos. Anybody who understands Lagos very well will tell you that once you own your own apartment or house in Lagos and don’t pay rent, more than half your problem is solved. The money spent on rent in Lagos is astronomically high. The stress from the hands of most Lagos landlords is so hazardous to health more than anything. Almost all the residential apartments with exorbitant rent placed on them don’t worth it at all! They are grossly overpriced! Landlords just take undue, greedy and wicked advantage of demand being in excess of supply plus a government that don’t care about its citizens.

Best Time To Look For Best Accommodation In Lagos During Rainy Season
Flood Situation In Lagos
With the flood situation in Lagos getting out of hand, you don’t want to have an apartment in Lagos that is threatened by flood. It’s like all the undeveloped land in Lagos has been sold out. Rich politicians mostly control the real estate. That’s why some select privileged individuals can afford to own more than half of the property on a street. They want to buy up everywhere either by hook or crook. People don’t really buy land anymore to develop, they just buy shores, swamps, marsh, sand fill it and then erect structures as they desire or as their resources muscle can withstand. A large portion of Lagos sits on swamps, extended river banks, and all kinds of water bodies. Because the land is already saturated with water, the sand filling wasn’t done properly and no drainage system or the few drainage is blocked, flood effortlessly takes over most of the neighbourhood in Lagos once the rain starts.

Best Time To Look For Best Accommodation In Lagos During Rainy Season
Did I forget to mention the kind of disease you can contact via these floods?

When Is The Best Time To Look For Best Residential Apartment In Lagos?
The one best tip to avoid flood prone areas when searching for best accommodation in Lagos is to search during the rainy season! It’s very simple. That way you can easily tell the flood situation of the area. Unless you are ready live through any flood condition then don’t bother renting an apartment in any particular season. When I rented my place, it was dry season. That was the first time I rented a place. I was a novice, the compound is cool no doubt. The environment was ok. People asked if the area is flood prone I said NO. I didn’t quite understand their lingo until the first heavy rain. Like I said my compound is nice but the streets weren’t unfortunately no Moses to part the flood street for me. You don’t want to dress up in that lovely classy suit and be wading through flood water with elements of sewage and garbage.

Best Time To Look For Best Accommodation In Lagos During Rainy Season
You will know first-hand if the compound or accommodation is flooded. Also you can tell if the roof of the building is good or not. Don’t make the same mistake I made when looking for accommodation in Lagos.

Note, I focused on flood here, however it is not the only thing to consider when renting a place. Of course you’ll consider rent size, proximity to your office, proximity to a market, secure environment, clean water, power supply (unfortunately this may be the same for everywhere), transportation, peaceful landlord, etc. Good luck in your search for a place to live in Lagos. Eko o ni baje o!

When Is The Best Time To Look For Best Residential Apartment In Lagos?

Unknown  |  at   8:58 pm  |  No comments

Best Time To Look For Best Accommodation In Lagos During Rainy Season
I just want to share one very valuable tip on when you want to rent an apartment in Lagos so that you don’t painfully regret it.

First of all, let’s have a little introduction to the entity Lagos. Lagos State is the former capital of Nigeria. Lagos is the land of opportunity. It is the legendary Timbuktu of Nigeria. A place one must see before meeting the maker. As a kid when Lagos was the capital of Nigeria till now, there has been this mentality that people literally pick money on the streets of Lagos. If you can’t make it anywhere in Nigeria, you can always make it in Lagos the center of excellence. This mentality of Nigerians and non-Nigerians alike causes a tremendous inflow of all manner, shades and colour of people in droves into Lagos even when they don’t have any form of accommodation. Many claim to be indigenes even when they can’t speak yoruba, you can’t differentiate who the real Lagosians are.

What happens is that, the sudden population explosion in Lagos incredibly outpaces rate of growth & development and utilization of available resource. Jobs are not enough, transportation, infrastructure, healthcare, education, housing, etc. can no longer match demand. This is where daily living stops and daily hustle starts. Those American artists who sing/rap about hustling will be greatly humbled when they experience hustle the Eko style. Eko o ni baje o lol!

The Problem Of Accommodation In Lagos
This brings me to the problem of renting a residential apartment in Lagos. Anybody who understands Lagos very well will tell you that once you own your own apartment or house in Lagos and don’t pay rent, more than half your problem is solved. The money spent on rent in Lagos is astronomically high. The stress from the hands of most Lagos landlords is so hazardous to health more than anything. Almost all the residential apartments with exorbitant rent placed on them don’t worth it at all! They are grossly overpriced! Landlords just take undue, greedy and wicked advantage of demand being in excess of supply plus a government that don’t care about its citizens.

Best Time To Look For Best Accommodation In Lagos During Rainy Season
Flood Situation In Lagos
With the flood situation in Lagos getting out of hand, you don’t want to have an apartment in Lagos that is threatened by flood. It’s like all the undeveloped land in Lagos has been sold out. Rich politicians mostly control the real estate. That’s why some select privileged individuals can afford to own more than half of the property on a street. They want to buy up everywhere either by hook or crook. People don’t really buy land anymore to develop, they just buy shores, swamps, marsh, sand fill it and then erect structures as they desire or as their resources muscle can withstand. A large portion of Lagos sits on swamps, extended river banks, and all kinds of water bodies. Because the land is already saturated with water, the sand filling wasn’t done properly and no drainage system or the few drainage is blocked, flood effortlessly takes over most of the neighbourhood in Lagos once the rain starts.

Best Time To Look For Best Accommodation In Lagos During Rainy Season
Did I forget to mention the kind of disease you can contact via these floods?

When Is The Best Time To Look For Best Residential Apartment In Lagos?
The one best tip to avoid flood prone areas when searching for best accommodation in Lagos is to search during the rainy season! It’s very simple. That way you can easily tell the flood situation of the area. Unless you are ready live through any flood condition then don’t bother renting an apartment in any particular season. When I rented my place, it was dry season. That was the first time I rented a place. I was a novice, the compound is cool no doubt. The environment was ok. People asked if the area is flood prone I said NO. I didn’t quite understand their lingo until the first heavy rain. Like I said my compound is nice but the streets weren’t unfortunately no Moses to part the flood street for me. You don’t want to dress up in that lovely classy suit and be wading through flood water with elements of sewage and garbage.

Best Time To Look For Best Accommodation In Lagos During Rainy Season
You will know first-hand if the compound or accommodation is flooded. Also you can tell if the roof of the building is good or not. Don’t make the same mistake I made when looking for accommodation in Lagos.

Note, I focused on flood here, however it is not the only thing to consider when renting a place. Of course you’ll consider rent size, proximity to your office, proximity to a market, secure environment, clean water, power supply (unfortunately this may be the same for everywhere), transportation, peaceful landlord, etc. Good luck in your search for a place to live in Lagos. Eko o ni baje o!
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Like A Dream – RCCG Open Heavens Devotional Friday 5th July 2013
LIKE A DREAM BY PASTOR E. A. ADEBOYE

Memorise:
When the LORD turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream. Psalms 126:1

Read:
Psalms 126:1-4
When the LORD turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream. Psalms 126:1

Then was our mouth filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing: then said they among the heathen, The LORD hath done great things for them. Psalms 126:2

The LORD hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad. Psalms 126:3

Turn again our captivity, O LORD, as the streams in the south. Psalms 126:4

Open Heavens Message
Sometimes, when the King of glory pays you a visit, things will happen so fast that you may think that you are dreaming. When Peter had such a visit, he thought he was dreaming. After the angel left him out of prison and finally vanished, that was when he realised it was no dream (Acts 12:1-11). A brother who never believed he could own a car in his life time received a great shocker one day when a relative bought him a car and asked somebody to deliver it to him. He asked: ‘Is this for me?’ the one who brought it said ‘Yes’. 

The man simply turned around and began to walk away. He thought he was dreaming. Psalm 126:1-3 says when God visited His people who were in captivity, their deliverance came like a dream. Then those who were full of sorrow became filled with might and laughter. The truth is: after waiting for long to receive a particular blessing, when the blessing is to come, it will be in a hurry, especially if there is a divine visitation influencing it. In the name of Jesus, your blessing shall come to you like a dream. That good desire that has been denied you for so long will be delivered to you this season. Your blessings are going to locate you in a hurry.

However, you may want to ask: How can I initiate a divine visitation? This can be done through prayer. Acts 12:5 says before Peter’s divine visitation, the church prayed without ceasing. Don’t give up on your prayers! Be persistent until God shows up. Also, high praises in the midst of that unpleasant situation can attract God’s visitation as was the experience of Paul and Silas (Acts 16:25-26).

In addition, you can attract God’s visit when you give what nobody else has given. It could be money, time, dedication, etc. This was how Solomon attracted a divine visitation (2 Chronicles 1:6-12). Moreover, you can attract God’s visit by honouring God in different ways, particularly with your first fruits. God says He will honour those who honour Him (1 Samuel 2:30). Are you prepared to honour Him? Go ahead and provoke God’s divine visitation today!

Bible In One Year:
Psalm 37-39

Action Point
Ask that as many as are in various satanic bondages such as prostitution, alcohol, sodomy, drug addiction, masturbation, serial killing, etc. be liberated by the blood of Jesus.



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Like A Dream – RCCG Open Heavens Devotional Friday 5th July 2013

Unknown  |  at   12:05 am  |  No comments

Like A Dream – RCCG Open Heavens Devotional Friday 5th July 2013
LIKE A DREAM BY PASTOR E. A. ADEBOYE

Memorise:
When the LORD turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream. Psalms 126:1

Read:
Psalms 126:1-4
When the LORD turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream. Psalms 126:1

Then was our mouth filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing: then said they among the heathen, The LORD hath done great things for them. Psalms 126:2

The LORD hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad. Psalms 126:3

Turn again our captivity, O LORD, as the streams in the south. Psalms 126:4

Open Heavens Message
Sometimes, when the King of glory pays you a visit, things will happen so fast that you may think that you are dreaming. When Peter had such a visit, he thought he was dreaming. After the angel left him out of prison and finally vanished, that was when he realised it was no dream (Acts 12:1-11). A brother who never believed he could own a car in his life time received a great shocker one day when a relative bought him a car and asked somebody to deliver it to him. He asked: ‘Is this for me?’ the one who brought it said ‘Yes’. 

The man simply turned around and began to walk away. He thought he was dreaming. Psalm 126:1-3 says when God visited His people who were in captivity, their deliverance came like a dream. Then those who were full of sorrow became filled with might and laughter. The truth is: after waiting for long to receive a particular blessing, when the blessing is to come, it will be in a hurry, especially if there is a divine visitation influencing it. In the name of Jesus, your blessing shall come to you like a dream. That good desire that has been denied you for so long will be delivered to you this season. Your blessings are going to locate you in a hurry.

However, you may want to ask: How can I initiate a divine visitation? This can be done through prayer. Acts 12:5 says before Peter’s divine visitation, the church prayed without ceasing. Don’t give up on your prayers! Be persistent until God shows up. Also, high praises in the midst of that unpleasant situation can attract God’s visitation as was the experience of Paul and Silas (Acts 16:25-26).

In addition, you can attract God’s visit when you give what nobody else has given. It could be money, time, dedication, etc. This was how Solomon attracted a divine visitation (2 Chronicles 1:6-12). Moreover, you can attract God’s visit by honouring God in different ways, particularly with your first fruits. God says He will honour those who honour Him (1 Samuel 2:30). Are you prepared to honour Him? Go ahead and provoke God’s divine visitation today!

Bible In One Year:
Psalm 37-39

Action Point
Ask that as many as are in various satanic bondages such as prostitution, alcohol, sodomy, drug addiction, masturbation, serial killing, etc. be liberated by the blood of Jesus.



Please Don't FORGET To SHARE This POST!!
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Thursday, 4 July 2013


The save OJB project just got a major boost as the governor of Rivers States; Rotimi Amaechi has donated the sum of $100,000 over N15.5m to rescue the ailing music producer, OJB Jezreel. The move was made by Jazzman Olofin, who was said to have visited Mr. Femi Davies, a top journalist and online publisher to complain about the way the people around are treating the issue of the prolific producer/singer.Miffed by the report given, Femi Davies, we were told, intensified effort to liaise with another top journalist, Mr. Wale Olaleye, This Day Political Editor and he was said to have asked Mr. Davies to come forth with a formal letter of request to be forwarded to Governor Amaechi. As soon as the letter got to the embattled governor, we gathered that he signed it and ordered the state to pay as soon as possible.

As you are reading this, Governor Amechi’s State, Rivers, has finally restored the hope of the people who have rallied round the entertainer, OJB. Though, there seem to be some rancor between the people in charge of the ‘Support OJB Team’ as some people are already deliberating on how to have their share of the money as soon as it arrives since Governor Amaechi has coughed out the whole money needed for the kidney transplant and there were previous donations close to N10m before now.

Though, the money, as we were informed, will get to the ailing entertainer before the close of work today or tomorrow.This is really amazing, despite the situation of things between him and some political elements in PDP, governor Amaechi surprised all and sundry as he made this whopping donation. What a man with a heart of gold!We hope the government of the good-hearted man, Mr. Amaechi would speedily attend to this cause before it’s too late like what happened in Edo State recently when a civil servant who needed just N150,000 had to lose his life because the money was not speedily disbursed as authorized by the governor.

Gov. Rotimi Amaechi Donates $100,000 To Support OJB

Unknown  |  at   6:49 pm  |  No comments


The save OJB project just got a major boost as the governor of Rivers States; Rotimi Amaechi has donated the sum of $100,000 over N15.5m to rescue the ailing music producer, OJB Jezreel. The move was made by Jazzman Olofin, who was said to have visited Mr. Femi Davies, a top journalist and online publisher to complain about the way the people around are treating the issue of the prolific producer/singer.Miffed by the report given, Femi Davies, we were told, intensified effort to liaise with another top journalist, Mr. Wale Olaleye, This Day Political Editor and he was said to have asked Mr. Davies to come forth with a formal letter of request to be forwarded to Governor Amaechi. As soon as the letter got to the embattled governor, we gathered that he signed it and ordered the state to pay as soon as possible.

As you are reading this, Governor Amechi’s State, Rivers, has finally restored the hope of the people who have rallied round the entertainer, OJB. Though, there seem to be some rancor between the people in charge of the ‘Support OJB Team’ as some people are already deliberating on how to have their share of the money as soon as it arrives since Governor Amaechi has coughed out the whole money needed for the kidney transplant and there were previous donations close to N10m before now.

Though, the money, as we were informed, will get to the ailing entertainer before the close of work today or tomorrow.This is really amazing, despite the situation of things between him and some political elements in PDP, governor Amaechi surprised all and sundry as he made this whopping donation. What a man with a heart of gold!We hope the government of the good-hearted man, Mr. Amaechi would speedily attend to this cause before it’s too late like what happened in Edo State recently when a civil servant who needed just N150,000 had to lose his life because the money was not speedily disbursed as authorized by the governor.
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Still A Potential Champion? – RCCG Open Heavens Devotional Thursday 4th July 2013
STILL A POTENTIAL CHAMPION? BY PASTOR E. A. ADEBOYE

Memorise:
…..and if the tree fall toward the south, or toward the north, in the place where the tree falleth, there it shall be. Ecclesiastes 11:3

Read:
Proverbs 6:9-11
How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Proverbs 6:9

Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: Proverbs 6:10

So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man. Proverbs 6:11

Open Heavens Message
There are three categories of champions: potential champions (champions to be), reigning champions (existing champions), and ex-champions (those who were once champions). Of the first category, virtually everyone was born to this world with the potential of becoming a champion. But as you would expect, it is one thing to have the potential to be something, but it is entirely different ball game to run with the vision and actualize this potential.

Every man is a potential father but not all men become fathers. This also applies to women. Not all women who had the potential of becoming a mother eventually became one. Every good potential in your life shall be pursued to its logical conclusion in Jesus name. in Bible times, Gehazi had the potential of having four times the anointing of Elijah, he could have become a super champion, but he bungled it.

In 1977, at a congress we held at Ilorin (Nigeria), during the prayer time, I told the brethren that God told me that one day, The Redeemed Christian Church of God will be all over the world, and that it will take place very soon. They said amen. I was speaking as a potential champion then. Some among those who said amen left us. Also, in 1983, during our first Church Convention at the camp grounds, when we had about 15 or 16 buildings in all, we slaughtered a total of 10 cows during the Convention. I told them that someday, we will be using trailers to bring cows to our Conventions, and they said amen. In that particular year’s Congress held at Ilorin, I travelled in the company of a brother we were ordained together as pastors on the same day. 

On our way, I prophesied that The Redeemed Christian church of God will soon be all over that place. He said amen. Today, out of the five potential champions ordained the same day with me; I am the only one still in The Redeemed Christian Church of God. Of the five, I loved one so much. Whenever I travelled to his station of service, we would sleep on the same bed. As we lay on bed, I share with him the future the Lord as shown me. Yet, as close as we were, he never caught the fire. It is possible to sleep by the fire and never be ignited. May you not die as a potential champion! May your potentials become a reality this season. What are you doing to bring your potentials into reality?

Bible In One Year:
Psalm 34-36

Key Point
A potential champion and a champion started from the same place but while the former did not do enough to bring his potential into reality, the later went the extra mile.



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Still A Potential Champion? – RCCG Open Heavens Devotional Thursday 4th July 2013

Unknown  |  at   12:05 am  |  No comments

Still A Potential Champion? – RCCG Open Heavens Devotional Thursday 4th July 2013
STILL A POTENTIAL CHAMPION? BY PASTOR E. A. ADEBOYE

Memorise:
…..and if the tree fall toward the south, or toward the north, in the place where the tree falleth, there it shall be. Ecclesiastes 11:3

Read:
Proverbs 6:9-11
How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Proverbs 6:9

Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: Proverbs 6:10

So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man. Proverbs 6:11

Open Heavens Message
There are three categories of champions: potential champions (champions to be), reigning champions (existing champions), and ex-champions (those who were once champions). Of the first category, virtually everyone was born to this world with the potential of becoming a champion. But as you would expect, it is one thing to have the potential to be something, but it is entirely different ball game to run with the vision and actualize this potential.

Every man is a potential father but not all men become fathers. This also applies to women. Not all women who had the potential of becoming a mother eventually became one. Every good potential in your life shall be pursued to its logical conclusion in Jesus name. in Bible times, Gehazi had the potential of having four times the anointing of Elijah, he could have become a super champion, but he bungled it.

In 1977, at a congress we held at Ilorin (Nigeria), during the prayer time, I told the brethren that God told me that one day, The Redeemed Christian Church of God will be all over the world, and that it will take place very soon. They said amen. I was speaking as a potential champion then. Some among those who said amen left us. Also, in 1983, during our first Church Convention at the camp grounds, when we had about 15 or 16 buildings in all, we slaughtered a total of 10 cows during the Convention. I told them that someday, we will be using trailers to bring cows to our Conventions, and they said amen. In that particular year’s Congress held at Ilorin, I travelled in the company of a brother we were ordained together as pastors on the same day. 

On our way, I prophesied that The Redeemed Christian church of God will soon be all over that place. He said amen. Today, out of the five potential champions ordained the same day with me; I am the only one still in The Redeemed Christian Church of God. Of the five, I loved one so much. Whenever I travelled to his station of service, we would sleep on the same bed. As we lay on bed, I share with him the future the Lord as shown me. Yet, as close as we were, he never caught the fire. It is possible to sleep by the fire and never be ignited. May you not die as a potential champion! May your potentials become a reality this season. What are you doing to bring your potentials into reality?

Bible In One Year:
Psalm 34-36

Key Point
A potential champion and a champion started from the same place but while the former did not do enough to bring his potential into reality, the later went the extra mile.



Please Don't FORGET To SHARE This POST!!
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Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Hilarious Attorney And Witness Dialogues In Court
Be warned! While reading these attorney and witness court dialogues you may laugh so hard in office that your boss may fire you.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_______________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Mehn! I can't stop laughing! This is very hilarious. I know some are actually asked to confuse or catch the witness off guard for another question. Still some downright dumb lol.

Hilarious Attorney And Witness Dialogues In Court

Unknown  |  at   6:08 pm  |  1 comment

Hilarious Attorney And Witness Dialogues In Court
Be warned! While reading these attorney and witness court dialogues you may laugh so hard in office that your boss may fire you.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_______________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Mehn! I can't stop laughing! This is very hilarious. I know some are actually asked to confuse or catch the witness off guard for another question. Still some downright dumb lol.
Continue Reading→

I did a generous thing today anonymously. I didn’t plan it though. A lady didn’t have complete bus fare and the danfo bus conductor was threatening fire and brimstone. The lady continued to plead that all she had was the amount in her hand. Whether it’s true or not, I don’t know and don’t judge. I just discreetly gave the danfo bus conductor more than the amount that completes her fare. The bus conductor now collected the rest from her as if he has decided to pity the lady. The lady thanked him profusely and I just watched. The danfo bus conductor never said a word about what really happened. I didn’t say any either. For a split second I felt not appreciated. Then my conscience tugged at my emotions and reminded me;

“Was it not you that want to help people anonymously? Well this is exactly what happens so better get used to it!”

This is the first time I had actually seen how such situation play out atimes. I pulled myself together and I was filled with greater joy. Doing generous acts anonymously is something that can be learnt.



Anonymity Idea Formation Years
As a kid back then in the eastern part of Nigeria, I often hear about donations to orphanages and destitute homes over the BCA Radio. It goes like this; N5,000 to Ahiaeke Motherless Babies Home by Chief So-and-so, N7,000 to Uzuakoli Leprosy Center by Engineer So-and-so, N5,000 to Ahiaeke Motherless Babies Home by Anonymous, etc. The radio broadcasts these donations frequently may be to motivate others to donate too. What usually happens is that when there’s a new set of donations, you may not hear the previous names that donated. But every time you’ll hear Anonymous. Then I will be like this MR. ANONYMOUS must be a very kind and generous rich man for him to donate all the time. I wished to meet Mr. Anonymous. I wished I was rich like him so I can donate regular like him too. I was certain Anonymous was a man and not a woman, the kids mind works in a marvelous way.

True Understanding Of The Word Anonymous
As I got older, my illusion of Mr. Anonymous was shattered. I learnt the meaning of the word. I learnt Anonymous is not a human being or rather it’s a human being that doesn’t want his/her identity disclosed. Frankly, I wasn’t disappointed rather it fascinated me. From then I became a strong advocate such generous works anonymously. Most times it’s impossible to carry out generous acts anonymously.

Why People Do Generous Acts
People do generous acts or good deeds for various reasons. Most times people do it for what they stand to gain, to politicize, attention-seeking, or based on some other conditionality. The best form of giving is giving anonymously. It signifies an act performed selflessly. For sake of doubt you can keep evidence of the act. The God who gave you the heart and resource knows what you did and will reward you abundantly!

The bible said in Matthew 6:3 (NIV) “But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing”

True Implication Of Doing Generous Acts Anonymously
It takes great selflessness and humble heart to donate anonymously. Ultimately it takes the fear of God to give alms help anonymously. Or some people just want private life private. It also shows you did solely it for the benefit of the cause and not for unnecessary attention-seeking, politicizing, or other forms of personal gratification. One can still enjoy the feel good factor of giving. Either way it is the best form of giving and should be emulated by everybody. Only disclose when you absolutely need to disclose your identity.

Note I'm only advocating going generous act or good deeds anonymously. So it doesn't cover doing something bad or evil anonymously.

May God Bless The Anonymous Works Of Thy Hand!

Learn To Selflessly Do Generous Acts Anonymously

Unknown  |  at   4:41 pm  |  No comments

I did a generous thing today anonymously. I didn’t plan it though. A lady didn’t have complete bus fare and the danfo bus conductor was threatening fire and brimstone. The lady continued to plead that all she had was the amount in her hand. Whether it’s true or not, I don’t know and don’t judge. I just discreetly gave the danfo bus conductor more than the amount that completes her fare. The bus conductor now collected the rest from her as if he has decided to pity the lady. The lady thanked him profusely and I just watched. The danfo bus conductor never said a word about what really happened. I didn’t say any either. For a split second I felt not appreciated. Then my conscience tugged at my emotions and reminded me;

“Was it not you that want to help people anonymously? Well this is exactly what happens so better get used to it!”

This is the first time I had actually seen how such situation play out atimes. I pulled myself together and I was filled with greater joy. Doing generous acts anonymously is something that can be learnt.



Anonymity Idea Formation Years
As a kid back then in the eastern part of Nigeria, I often hear about donations to orphanages and destitute homes over the BCA Radio. It goes like this; N5,000 to Ahiaeke Motherless Babies Home by Chief So-and-so, N7,000 to Uzuakoli Leprosy Center by Engineer So-and-so, N5,000 to Ahiaeke Motherless Babies Home by Anonymous, etc. The radio broadcasts these donations frequently may be to motivate others to donate too. What usually happens is that when there’s a new set of donations, you may not hear the previous names that donated. But every time you’ll hear Anonymous. Then I will be like this MR. ANONYMOUS must be a very kind and generous rich man for him to donate all the time. I wished to meet Mr. Anonymous. I wished I was rich like him so I can donate regular like him too. I was certain Anonymous was a man and not a woman, the kids mind works in a marvelous way.

True Understanding Of The Word Anonymous
As I got older, my illusion of Mr. Anonymous was shattered. I learnt the meaning of the word. I learnt Anonymous is not a human being or rather it’s a human being that doesn’t want his/her identity disclosed. Frankly, I wasn’t disappointed rather it fascinated me. From then I became a strong advocate such generous works anonymously. Most times it’s impossible to carry out generous acts anonymously.

Why People Do Generous Acts
People do generous acts or good deeds for various reasons. Most times people do it for what they stand to gain, to politicize, attention-seeking, or based on some other conditionality. The best form of giving is giving anonymously. It signifies an act performed selflessly. For sake of doubt you can keep evidence of the act. The God who gave you the heart and resource knows what you did and will reward you abundantly!

The bible said in Matthew 6:3 (NIV) “But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing”

True Implication Of Doing Generous Acts Anonymously
It takes great selflessness and humble heart to donate anonymously. Ultimately it takes the fear of God to give alms help anonymously. Or some people just want private life private. It also shows you did solely it for the benefit of the cause and not for unnecessary attention-seeking, politicizing, or other forms of personal gratification. One can still enjoy the feel good factor of giving. Either way it is the best form of giving and should be emulated by everybody. Only disclose when you absolutely need to disclose your identity.

Note I'm only advocating going generous act or good deeds anonymously. So it doesn't cover doing something bad or evil anonymously.

May God Bless The Anonymous Works Of Thy Hand!
Continue Reading→

Matse in Ekemelu's armsMatse and Ekemelu K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Matse Uwatse who is Nigeria Info OAP and Ekemelu Bertram Nnoli will walk down the aisle later this month. This love birds are bubbling with passion in this photos, check out the PDA. Wait are they practicing how to kiss when the man of God says "You May Kiss The Bride?"


Ekemelu and Matse riding a golf cart

Love & Life - Photos of Ekemelu And Matse Under Love Spell

Unknown  |  at   1:52 pm  |  No comments

Matse in Ekemelu's armsMatse and Ekemelu K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Matse Uwatse who is Nigeria Info OAP and Ekemelu Bertram Nnoli will walk down the aisle later this month. This love birds are bubbling with passion in this photos, check out the PDA. Wait are they practicing how to kiss when the man of God says "You May Kiss The Bride?"


Ekemelu and Matse riding a golf cart

Continue Reading→

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