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| Parenting & Society: Why My Kids Are NOT the Center of My World (TheMetzFamilyAdventures) |
Don't let the title confuse you. This article is really a thought provoking piece. It takes a hard critical look at parenting and the society. The issue affects the west most but its fast creeping into the African setting. Please if you love your children take your time and read this to the end, it'll definitely teach or unteach you for the greater good of parenting in particular and the society at large. I don't have kids now but I 'definitely plan to over-parent or over-pamper them. A little pain is good for learning.
Wait, what did she say? Yeah, you read that right.
This blog post is a bit of a rant and it's a bit all over the place. My
kids are NOT the center of my world, and that's quite simply because
they aren't the center of any world, anywhere.
If you're feeling adventurous today, feel free to read on. I'll
forewarn you though, this post contains subject matter about which I
feel very strongly. As are most emotionally heated issues - I suppose
it's controversial. But hey, I feel how I feel and that's not going to
be changed.
The emotions that sparked this blog post were given a little bit of a
supercharge last evening. Hendrix was picking out what he wanted to
take to school for Show & Tell. He chose a little Imaginext action
figure - one that he's had for about two years now. With the action
figure comes a little yellow object. For the two years that he's had
this toy, that yellow object has always been a drill to him. He
gathered the action figure, the mask that goes with him, and the yellow
drill and proudly told me he'd chosen that for Show & Tell. Then,
you could see him thinking. And he promptly changed his mind and said
to me, "You know what, I better not take this. My teacher will probably
think it's a gun, and then I'll get in trouble," put the action figure
back, and chose something else.
I often think about the world my boys will grow up in. I often get
angry when I think about it. This particular situation just furthered
those emotions for me.
In completely selfish terms, bringing my boys into this world was such a
great decision - for me. They bring me so much joy, they fill my
heart, they make me happy. But I often question whether or not it was
the right decision for them. My boys are typical little boys. They
love to play guns. They love to play good guy versus bad guy. They
love to wrestle and be rowdy. That's the nature of little boys, as it
has been since the beginning of time.
How long will it be before their typical boy-ish behavior gets them
suspended from school? How long before they get suspended from
daycare??? How long will it be before one of them gets upset with a
friend, tells that friend to go away and leave them alone, and
subsequently gets labeled as a bully?
The mentality of our society in 2013 is nauseating to me, friends.
Many years ago, there was a time where young boys could run around with
their toy guns, killing the bad guys. You could take the toy guns away
from the little boys, and they'd find something else around them - a
stick, their fingers, etc - and pretend it was a gun. Today, those
little boys - if caught doing that - are labeled as threats, and
immediate action is taken to remove that threat from the group.
There was a time - not too long ago - when bullying was defined as
slamming someone up against a locker and stealing their lunch money.
There was a time when kids got called names and got picked on, and they
brushed it off and worked through it (ask me how I know this). Now, if
Sally calls Susie a bitch (please excuse my language if that offends
you), Susie's whole world crumbles around her, she contemplates suicide,
and this society encourages her to feel like her world truly has ended,
and she should feel entitled to a world-wide pity party. And
Sally - phew! She should be jailed! She should be thrown in juvenile
detention for acting like - gasp - a teenage girl acts.
Modern parenting and thinking makes me crazy. The young generations of
today (yes, I sound old. I realize I'm only 29 years old.) are being
taught that they shouldn't have to ever put up with anything doesn't
make their hearts feel like rainbow colored unicorns are running around
pooping skittles onto piles of marshmallows.
Modern parenting is creating a generation that's not going to be able to function in society.
Your child, who you cater to every need, who you shelter from all
things "evil." How will this child react when he or she grows into
adulthood? "Debbie" graduates from high school and goes to college.
She writes her first paper and meets with her professor about that paper
and the professor tells her that it's junk and it will get a failing
grade. How will Debbie cope with that if she's always been made to feel
that no one should ever make her feel sad, or criticize anything she
does?
"Donna" graduates from college and gets a job - you know, in the real
world. She has to work on a committee to come up with a marketing
plan. She shoots out an idea, and it gets immediately turned down.
What is she to do? Go home and cry because no one liked her idea? Quit
her job because she can't handle rejection?
Modern parents, who drop everything all the time to sit and play with
the child, who "needs attention," or drop what they're doing to help the
child the second he or she gets frustrated? How is Joey going to deal
with the fact that there won't be anyone in his adult life who's willing
to stop what they're doing, stop living their busy lives, to cater to
his every whim?
How do you think Billy is going to cope in the real world, when his boss
gives him a vague task to complete, and offers no helpful information
as to how to complete this task? Mr. Boss is certainly not going to
hold Billy's hand and help him through the task. Mr. Boss expects it to
be completed by Monday. How has Billy been prepared to use his
critical thinking and problem solving skills to be able to complete that
task? He hasn't.
I certainly hope that the title of this blog post is starting to make
sense. Parents who make their children the center of their universe are
not doing anyone any favors. Obviously, as parents, we love our
children more than anything. But dropping everything to cater to their
every need is only going to lead to a very rude awakening once they
enter the real world.
I'm not telling anyone how to parent, and I'm far from perfect myself.
But when my kids can't find something, I refuse to help them until
they've at least made a concerted effort to find it themselves. This
isn't being mean, it's teaching them to at least attempt to solve a
problem themselves before just giving up and asking for help.
When the TV gets turned off after the allotted time on the weekends, my
kids are instructed to go play together in their room. I love and miss
them during the work week, but I am not just a mom, I'm also Matt's
wife, I'm also Stephanie, and I also run our household. There are
things I have to get done, and my boys understand that. My children -
while Matt and I both spend time playing with them - understand that
the world doesn't begin and end with them. This allows them to find
ways to entertain themselves, it builds imagination, and it teaches them
to get along with each other without constant intervention.
We follow the rules and don't take toy guns or weapons to daycare. But
I'll be darned if my boys aren't allowed to be little boys when they're
at home. They have several toy guns and it's constantly a good guy vs.
bad guy battle in my house. I feel like this teaches them to do the
things they want to do, while respecting other's rules and regulations.
It also teaches them that there are differing opinions about things in
this world and that's ok. We can like and believe in the things we
want, while respecting that others may not agree with us.
My children are all but ignored when they ask for something without
using manners. They understand that when someone addresses or speaks to
them, they are to speak back. When we go out to eat, we don't take 5
electronic devices to keep them "entertained" for the 15 minutes we have
to wait for our food. If Hendrix is "bored" (and I use that term
loosely), then he can put on his jacket and go play outside.
Everyone parents differently, and I respect that. The current generation
may be one that expects nothing less than everything from this world.
But I know of two gentlemen that are going to be able to accept failure
and move on having learned something from it.
I know of two gentleman who will be hurt emotionally, but who will be
able to work through the hurt and carry on with life. I will cushion
the emotional fall as much as a mom can, but I will not completely
prevent it from happening. They will not expect whoever hurt them to be
punished. Heck, I might even teach my children the power of
forgiveness.
These two gentlemen will understand the value of hard work, and know
that hard work is required to get where one wants to be in life.
They will, while understanding the need for caution, appreciate that not
everyone out there is out to get them. Not everyone is out to do evil
things.
These gentlemen will understand that there are about a gazillion people
in this world. While they are incredibly special to me and my family,
they are not special to the world. That probably sounds terrible, but
people! It's the harsh truth, and it needs embraced!
I know that I can't change the mindset of modern parents. That's never
been and never will be my goal. I just want to make sure that I raise
my sons to grow into respectable men who can thrive and succeed, due to
having been prepared to do so.
My kids are not the center of my world because I love them enough not to allow them to be.
Have a great weekend, friends.
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