Brainless Call And Brainless Text Saturday May 18 2013

Today is our workers-in-training review session class against the exam tomorrow. Today is also a church youth power summit tagged 3Gz - God, Guys & Girls. I woke up feeling so attached to the bed, I didn't want to wake up. I literally pried myself out the bed with self-will pry bar. I’m sure some pieces of me that didn't wanna let go are still glued tightly to the bed. I showered and left for the review class which starts at 8:00am.

The review session was helpful, it refreshed our memories on some little things you might’ve forgotten. Still if you haven't read up until now, it will do you not much good. After the class we did sanitation. After that I helped with setting up the place for the youth's program. I did the much I can and went home. I ate some bread and had a really long siester. I slept till I got tired of sleeping still I hadn't had enough. I didn't attend the youth program, didn't plan to anyway. I tried to do final revision for my exams tomorrow. I keep forgetting what I’ve read, God help me o!

Amara prepared food. I ate, thanked her and continued reading. She wasn't feeling well. Ibe came in went straight to the kitchen did whatever it was noisily like the kitchen community or ecosystem protested his visit. He left as quickly as he came in saying no word to no one. I got the funniest call from Ibe at exactly 22:03:55pm and I’m not even laughing. Incoming call caller id was his name I thought maybe it was Amara since I saved all their numbers with his name cuz I can’t imagine him and his bloated ego calling me. He might as well put it on Facebook. Oh well I was wrong. The line was a bit bad but my phone call recorder picked the thirteen seconds call nicely. Immediately I said hello the next racket that polluted my ear was;

Ibe: Don’t Worry Very Soon I Go Pack Make You And Amarachi Live Together Eh.

Me: Eh?

Ibe: Don't Worry Emechaa, Very Soon I Go Pack So That You And Amarachi Go Live Together Eh.

And the line went dead. Slowly I lowered the phone from my ear, staring at it like a strange object I’m seeing for the first time. My first reaction was a puzzled expression on my face and mind. I stared bemusedly and intently at my phone for a pretty long time as though it had played a pointless prank on me. Waiting for the phone to confess that it was just a prank but it didn't happen. I looked deeply at the cloak of darkness that wrapped me up on the staircase, scanning for answers to assure me I just imagined what happened. I didn’t get any assurance either.  What kinda brainless call is this? This guy has finally lost it. I’m sure I have said that a couple times before, I’m serious this time. This guy never ceases to amaze me.

Why was he not man enough to tell it to my face all this while we sleep in the same room?

One of his major flaws is how he holds concretely onto his delusional thoughts as if they are well proven and established facts!

People go through really unbelievable things, this situation has thought me so much. Beside the strife and troubles, I should be glad for the life teachings. Should I play this call for his wife? I think I should. So she could brace herself to living with me, that doesn’t even make sense as a joke. Is he trying to be a shirker and shirk his responsibilities? Did I ever expressly or by implied tell him in words or action that I had any interest whatsoever to live with his wife? I dey madt?

All I ever asked him to do was take responsibility, find an accommodation of his own and live with his family there like a man of his status should do. Instead of thoughtfully thinking a way forward and out of this mess, he is zealously interested in and invested his time chasing his tiny tail. Trust Ibe to always come through with something spectacularly stupid. And the monumental mindless misguided telephonic attack continues. Little did I know the worst is yet to come. Ibe didn't sleep in the house, God knows where he slept. From his new abode, wherever that is, he sent me a brainless text at 3:29am. You wouldn't believe your eyes, I didn't. The text goes;

''Inexpirencd?Kp deceivn urself.ur wit her, my wife nw!wat u v always wanned!Hws d pussy...U lik?u v hlpt wreck my fam in2 shreds.all I askt4 was hlp til i find a plac.bt all 4d pussy u wudnt set ur own had rite.sleepn wit her alone in ur hous is great hlp thnx a lot.hpe u kno wat u v don & r doin?yea u do!''

He seems pretty loaded with brainlessness today. Earlier it was a brainless call, now a brainless text. First of, I won't reply that brainless text, I disincline to discredit my intellectual prowess by dignifying a garbage with a response. Secondly I don't even know what the hell he meant by 'Inexpriencd'. At this point nothing will surprise me again. His delusion, insecurity and paranoia has reached all-time high. I think he seriously needs a mental help, to avoid a permanent residency at 'Yaba Left'. I admit embitterment coursed through my vein at the text. Just because you know a mad will throw stone at your valued glass and break it doesn’t mean you won’t feel anything when it happens.

All I did was shelter him and his family disregarding the tremendous inconvenience and sacrifice it saddled on my shoulder and this is the motherf**king thanks I get? Let no man blame me for his irresponsibility and the misfortunes he single-handedly brings upon himself by his own hands. Only God can judge me now. Now I see why Amara wore a trouser and shirt to bed other than her usual wrapper when Ibe was around. I can understand that.

Ibe is always so quick to spew some crazy things that makes me wonder what actually goes on in his heart. The bible clarifies it in Luke 6:45 which says;

"A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh."

They say show me your friend and I'll tell you who you are, that saying won't work here. Please for my sake make an exception and disregard that saying. I’m nothing like this guy and never will!

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What To Do When The Help You Gave Is Giving You Hell?

I wish this was a fiction but it isn’t. I can’t vividly put everything on paper, I’ll try to make it short. I’m a single Nigerian man trying to make a decent living in the hustle and hustle chaos of Lagos like most people. I stay alone in a room self-contained apartment somewhere in the Lekki corridor. Those who know Lekki can agree with me it’s plagued with unreasonably astronomical rent. One day out of the blue my childhood friend called. He is in Lagos with the family somewhere around Ikotun. I promptly cleared my calendar and paid them a visit.

A week or few days later he told me they will be traveling back to the east on the next Saturday. But since their engagement was in Victoria Island and it demands they be in the office as early as possible on Friday, they requested to stay with me which instantly accepted without giving it a thought. Of course I dint have to. I 'm not married and live alone. I was simply lending a helping hand to a friend. So the simple plan was to come to my place on Tuesday, do their thing in V/I on Friday and then travel back to the east on Saturday. Roughly 5 DAYS stay. Very simple you would say. The month was March. To be precise, it was MARCH 2012. The shocker is that they are still in my place. And this is MARCH 2013! A 5 days stay turned to a 365 days stay yet, the end is not in sight!

Imagine Mr. IN, Mrs. AN and two little niggling kids (girls) living with a single Nigerian man like me in one room. That’s 5 people in one room. The last girl still wears pampers. The wife took the kid back to east sometime in February this year. The main issue is that their lifestyle is polar opposite of mine. I’m the kinda person that can give you a clear precise direction from another galaxy in space on where to get a needle from any corner in my room. In other words I’m very organized. I'm very neat and clean. These people are they exact opposite. It annoys me when things are scattered and untidy. I cook as a bonus. Single Nigerian ladies take note.

That's not my room but you get the picture

They turned the room upside down. They “junglefied” the room effortlessly. In one month the room has seriously aged more than it did in my 3 years stay in it. They damage and litter everywhere and by default blame the kids who can’t defend themselves, most times the kids are not the culprit. I kept fixing things, they will never fix a pin. They will pile the trash up like a messy miniature Egyptian pyramid. At a point I had to wash every inch of the walls by myself in their presence. They should try a healthy lifestyle for the sake of their kids at least.

The guy can’t even wash his handkerchief unless the wife washes them. The moment they open their eyes in the morning, they make a fast bee line to the TV, both papa and mama and even the kids. I know family entertainment is very good for family bonding but does it warrant watching TV with the kids till 2:00am sometimes? I’m like what are you teaching these kids? I advised them over and over to have a timetable for the kids, latest by 9:00pm the kids should be in bed. It fell on deaf stone ears. All I hear is; “the kids don’t sleep on time.” I’m like how can they sleep when you have initiated their body system into your wake keeping style television watching habit from dusk to dawn.


I'm not a relationship guide expert but it's glaring that they need a little relationship guide. They quarreled and fought like crazy initially over really retarded reasons often orchestrated by the guy. At first I try to separate them but they are dedicated to the violence so I stopped bothering myself. Una go tire na. Whenever they go WrestleMania I just shield the kids from their parents menace. They pack a lot of nasty dirty habits that really irritate, disgust and annoy me. They are filth-friendly. It's as if a healthy lifestyle is unappealing to them. I just ignored and endured all this. I think they need marriage advice. You can say by association with them I'm not a single Nigerian man any more.

I have seen many moons, I’m yet to see a mind that works in a warped fashion as Ibe’s. He can attach a simple act of placing a pencil on the table to the events of cold war era of 1947 and further to a future colder war. He is one helluva paranoid, delusional, complex stricken homo sapien.

He is legendary with skill of reading a person’s mind, motive, thoughts, body language you name it, no problem with that. But he is a total failure at the results he gets from his readings. The worst part is how strongly he will believe he is right based on his highly delusional postulation. It’s mesmerizingly amazing. It used to disturb me when he makes these psycho assumptions but now it just amuses me like a good cartoon. Like Gaara told Naruto in the anime; “Uzumaki Naruto, you are really good at amusing me!”

He’s richly endowed with a brittle mouth that is always so hasty to spew some irrational things. At slightest tiff with his wife he will layer very unfathomable deep curses on his wife and he expects to prosper after cursing himself, since he is now one with his wife. I wonder what actually goes on in his heart. The bible clarifies it in Luke 6:45 which says;

"A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh."

In all honestly, when his demons are heavily sedated, he can exhibit a good nature. He thinks or cares about others, he's willing to share whatever he has, he can try to motivate you, etc. Still he is a jerk. His jerk part casts a very extensive nasty shadow. Somebody who knew him well from the village said he can really be a humongous jerk. I didn’t know all this side of him.

Now the wife is a hardworking woman. She doesn’t always agree with all her husband’s actions and utterances. She has her own excess baggage too. The most friction we experience is generated by him.

One thing I have always been very genuinely and deeply grateful to this couple for is food. As a single guy I can assure you cooking can be stressful most times, that has been lifted off my shoulder and they combining resources can whip up something when you least expect it. But I’m finicky with food so I don’t always enjoy or eat what is cooked. It may not be the best healthy foods but I'm always grateful and appreciate the gesture. I buy foodstuffs and drop money occasionally especially when they ask me for it.

I’m not saying I’m a perfect being. I’m not. I give people benefit of the doubt till there's no more doubt left to give. Please I beg you for my sake disregard the saying; "Show me your friend and I'll tell you who you are." That saying is seriously flawed in this situation. I'm nothing like this guy and will never be!

I often ask God why He is putting me through this trial. But I know God’s purpose will make me triumph at the end of the trials and tribulation. I did what I did because it’s the heart and kind of person God made me. I’m not doing it so that this guy will reward me. God will reward me. If he decides appreciate what I did, that’s a bonus. If he doesn’t, I won’t hold it against him. But history and posterity will bear witness to my deed.

I'm a single Nigerian man but I live the life of a married man. My privacy is dead and rotten. My friends don’t visit me anymore. Shame severely shrinks my self-esteem anytime a select few attempt to visit me because of the new signature of my room, signature of grime rebranded aesthetic. My girl then said over her dead body will she visit me provided they still stay with me all thanks to his jerk behaviour. That was how that relationship died a natural death somehow. She even told me like a prophetess; "Mark my words the help you are giving will end in a fall-out. It usually does and the people will never remember the sacrifice you made to shelter them." How naive I was, I didn't believe a word she said. What have I not seen from them?

In his delusion, this guy had the effrontery to accuse me of having an affair with his wife. Saying I find it very insulting is an unforgiveable understatement. If he strongly feels that way why does he still pollute the peace of my place with his presence?

Trouble ballooned when I started frowning at or addressing their excesses. For nine months I let them have a field day. On December ending of 2012 I asked them to find a place that I cannot ignore and endure anymore and to my greatest surprise, the guy confronted me on that. He challenged me as if I’m breaching the agreement we had to live together.

Telling me “….so you want to kick us out? Me and my family will wait for you and the police or army you will call to kick us out”

I took it calmly like my usual self. I can really be calm on the surface but tsunami underneath. All I said to him was “…this is why people don’t do good deeds.” I initially gave them till end of January to leave and the guy threw tantrum again. Later he apologized for the tantrum that he was being a jerk. They said they are looking for an accommodation but it doesn’t look it to me. The man bragged that money ain’t a problem, matter fact they’ll leave before January ending. Two after those were said, they are still at my place. I don’t mock their situation, I pray for them. I don’t hate them but I deeply and unapologetically hate their lifestyle. The should get a lifestyle facelift. I’m just watching, not talking anymore. Their lifestyle can impact negatively on a weak minded single man to decide not marry again if this is what marriage will be like.

My uncle once said something that shocked me because of how true his words of wisdom were. This was before they even came. He said; ”People of our family love to help people but we do it to a point that it really hurts us and we keep doing it.” When I reflect on that comment I shudder. Every and anybody I tell this just wants me to kick them out by fire by force except two people. I don’t know why I’m still holding back hoping somehow a happy ending will emerge.

In your opinion, if you were me what would you do?

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